"I'm going to ask him if he's ever modeled nude." Starling giggled, typing the completely inappropriate message into my phone, to a guy I barely knew online.
"You know I'd never ask something like that."
"And that's why you'd never find out!" He pressed send, smiling widely, proud of himself, and making me even more annoyed. "He said he hasn't... But he might if he found the right experienced artist! Oh my God, Julian! He is so into you! You've got to meet this guy."
"This is stupid."
"You're gonna kill me." He chuckled some more and I took the chance to grab the phone from his hand. I scrolled through the conversation and sighed.
Julian: Maybe we should meet up. See if I can prove to be the experienced artist you're looking for.
He did not just write that to some stranger online... From me.
"Did you see his response?" Starling beamed and I scrolled further.
Victor: Maybe we'll find out on Thursday at my show. ;)
I took another deep breath, trying to calm down. This was so f*cking stupid.
"What's wrong? He's totally into you."
"What are you even talking about? This isn't me!" I blurted harshly. "What are you trying to do? See me fail?"
Starling slinked back, but I couldn't help it.
"You really think I'm going to meet this guy? Have him expect to meet some flirtatious, confident, "experienced" guy and then have ME show up? Some timid f*cking loser, who's too awkward to even talk to guys???"
"Julian... You're not a loser-"
"Be realistic! You're the only guy I've ever even kissed!"
I was too worked up to even look at him, and didn't notice him step closer until his hands were wrapped around my arm. Why did his touch always calm me down so quickly?
"I-I'm sorry... You're right. I didn't realize-"
He never realized... He never thought anything through. He just... Did what he wanted, while I... I was scared to try anything.
"You know me, so I don't know why you'd ever think-" I started.
"I do know you." he cut me off. "You're intelligent, and compassionate... Reliable and ridiculously humble!"
Right...
"And funny and trustworthy and polite!"
"Okay, Starling. I get-"
"But I could go on forever... And any smart guy would take those over... Experienced." His smile was smaller now, but his eyes were locked on mine. I could tell at least he believed what he was saying. "And you can always gain experience."
Now I had to laugh. "You have to get a guy to actually like you first though..." I pulled out from his grasp.
"Julian-"
"I'm going to go shower. Just... Give me a few minutes, okay?"
---------------------------------
I let the shower water heat up and got in... I didn't know if I was more p*ssed off... Or embarrassed.
It wasn't that I didn't like hearing his compliments, but... If I was that great, then why hadn't he ever considered me? Why was he trying to push me off on some stranger online?
Maybe because he was perfectly content being f*cked by Evan... His f*ckbuddy. A guy who had NONE of those qualities he said were so important!
Damn it... I really did need to change something... Stop thinking about Starling so much.
It was a problem. Especially now... Being in the shower, alone, hard as hell after a stupid conversation like that. He'd barely touched me... And the more I thought about him, the harder it was to cool down. I knew I'd have to deal with it before I went back out there... Before I spent the night sleeping beside him.
It was kind of awkward, rubbing one out, knowing he was out there waiting for me. I tried not to think about him, but it was the easiest way for me to cum lately.
Maybe if I... I tried to picture Victor's profile picture... What did he look like again? Bleached hair... I think.
Ugh, that wasn't going to work.
He wasn't the one who always walked around my living room in the shortest shorts. He wasn't the one who fit so comfortably in my arms, whose skin felt so smooth when his shirt would lift as we slept. Whose a*s always fit perfectly against me.
Before I realized it, I was cumming, thinking about my best friend again.
I really need to go on this date.
----------------------------------
I put on a pair of sweatpants and walked back into my room. Starling was sitting on my bed. He looked like he'd been thinking hard, and he peered up at me worried.
I wasn't upset with him. I could never be upset with him. It was my fault I let myself fall so hard, not his... But I didn't know what to say.
I could feel him watching me as I dried my hair and looked for a shirt.
"I still think you should meet him..." He stood up and came to stand behind me.
"Yeah?" I shrugged, still sifting through my closet. I couldn't look at him after what I just did.
"I'm really sorry that I'm always making you uncomfortable." He reached up, his hand landing on my damp shoulder and I sighed. I loved how it felt, his warm body against my back... But hated it too.
"You really don't-" I began, as I turned around, but I lost track of what I was saying when I saw what was in his hand. A condom. And I completely froze in place when he traced one of his warm fingers down to my navel.
"W-what are you doing?" I forced out, my voice embarrassingly shaky.
"I think you just... Need to find out what you're capable of, Jules." He whispered, and I tried to comprehend what he was saying all while trying to ignore the feelings of his fingers as they made their way back up my chest. "I want to help." he tossed the condom back on my bed.
I tried to find his eyes, but he wouldn't look up at me. He kept them down, on my body, following his fingers, until both his hands were on my chest, hitting every nerve as they grazed my skin, and he leaned forward, his lips almost-
"Starling? Stop!" I took hold of his shoulders, holding him away from me. "I don't know what you're trying-" His face finally lifted so I could see his, and he looked a little embarrassed too.
"Come on, I never get to do anything for you." his body pushed toward me, against my hands. "Just go with it, okay?"
