To His Future Lover ✔ (Haciendero #5)

Ikadalawampu't Walong Kabanata

Kabanata 28

Insecurities

Nagsisimulang maglagas ang aking buhok sa iniinom kong drugs.

Hindi shabu.

Napanguso ako habang sinusuklay ang aking buhok. I kept holding on clumps of hair. Bukod sa naglalagas ang aking buhok, iba rin ang epekto ng mga gamot sa aking mukha.

Naiiyak ako sa tuwing tinitingnan ko ang aking sarili sa salamin.

I was feeling so ugly the past few weeks. I was no longer pretty...

"Hey, beautiful..."

Lumabas siya mula sa banyo. Chance just finished a quick shower.

Kasama ko siya sa hospital simula nang ma-confine ako para sa treatment.

Paminsan - minsan lang siyang lumabas ng hospital kung talagang kailangan. He doesn't want to accumulate germs from the outside and transfer them to me. Mahina ang immune system ko.

The first week of the first phase of the treatment was the hardest. It was the time that the drugs were introduced to my body.

He sat beside me.

Ipinakita ko sa kanya ang mga buhok na nalagas sa akin. My eyes started to water.

Kinabig niya naman ako payakap sa kanya.

"It's okay, bebe. It will grow back. You can rock a bald hairstyle. Do you want us twinning?" Kumalas siya at pinahid ang luha sa aking pisngi.

Umiling ako.

"I want your hairstyle now. Ang g'wapo mo. Don't cut your hair for me, okay? It's not necessary." Hinawakan ko ang kanyang buhok, bahagya kong ginulo iyon. "Mukha kang modelo sa magazine."

"You're the most beautiful and strong and brave..."

"That's not even true. Hindi na ako maganda. Unti - unti nang nalalagas ang aking buhok," mahina kong saad.

I didn't want to feel that way but I was seeing myself every time I look in the mirror. Maraming nagbago sa katawan ko sa isang iglap.

And I was never a fan of change.

With my hair long and lustrous, I feel more confident.

Now that I'm losing it, the more vulnerable I become.

Malaking parte ang buhok sa pagiging babae. There's an emotional connection to it the same way I feel.

"I wish you could see yourself the way I see you, Crim. Ang ganda mo, sobra." He caressed my face. "And your bravery and the fact that you remain strong in times like this add more to your beauty."

"Thank you for your assurance, Makoy. But I can't really help it sometimes."

Sumandal ako sa kanyang balikat.

Hinawakan ko ang kanyang kamay at pinaglaruan iyon.

Minsan mahirap itaas ang sarili mula sa lusak na kinalalagyan.

Maybe, this feeling would go away.

As much as possible, ibabaon ko muna iyon sa limot.

Hinalikan niya ang kabuuan ng aking mukha.

"I wish my kisses have superpowers to make you feel better..." He said.

I shook my head slightly. "You make me feel better, Makoy."

Lumawak naman ang pagngiti niya.

It warmed my heart seeing his smile despite circumstances we were in. Isang beses ko lang siyang nakitang umiyak sa harap ko. After that, bitbit na naman niya ang pasanin ng pagiging matatag.