My skin feels so tight and my bones are aching. I feel so sick to my stomach, I have an overwhelming amount of nausea rushing over my body every second of the day and it doesn't go away...
The words of others echo through my aching ears. Not the good ones. Although I wish it was. Those words from those who don't understand the heavy weighing pain holding my chest down, keeping me from breathing. From those who don't know where the scars across my body came from. From those who don't understand the painful weight of those memories I experienced..
Are they true? Those words I receive from those insensitive souls. Will the ink that has been tattooed onto my brain, etching those words into the soul internally, ever fade away? Will I ever truly feel better?
When I peer up into my reflection, I can see them. I can see their words engraved in my skin.
'Useless' 'Pig' 'Ugly' 'Boring' 'Disgusting' 'Fat'
Did they truly mean all those things?
I looked down at my stomach, poking at it. I am fat. I thought about the previous meals and portions I've had today. I am a pig. I looked up at my face again. Ugly. Disgusting. Useless. Boring. They're right.
I might've blacked out for a moment because the next thing I know there were hot tears dripping down my pale face like drops of acid as a blade dug deep against the skin of my thigh. I felt relief for a moment as I felt the blade lift and the blood trickle down my thigh.
I yearn for that relief. I need it. I can't help but repeat my actions over and over til the stains of blood are overtaking my thigh. I look at the mess I've made, then at the dripping blade, then my hands, then my thigh again. My tears grow heavier and I drop the blade. What the fuck is wrong with me? My head is pounding. My leg burns. I'm growing more and more nauseous and I cant help but let the tears flow down my sullen chapped face.
My ears are ringing and I can't see straight. Where am I? Am I even in my bathroom anymore. I can't see anything- but I feel lighter.. It's so loud in here. Why are there so many loud sounds? My ears hurt.. I press my hands against my ears and close my eyes tight. My ears are still ringing.
I feel the grip of my hands against my ears loosen as my muscles weaken and tire. I can't fight the sleep drifting over my body any longer. Everything goes dark and my arms flop down beside me.
.
.
.
.
"She made it." I heard a deep muffled voice say. It sounded further away but still close. Who was it? I thought my door was locked. My eyes burn as I attempt to open them. Damn. It's bright. When did my bathroom get this bright?
I heard an angry scoff coming from somewhere near me. Probably on the same side I heard the other voice. I squinted my eyes open slowly, adjusting to the light. When did I get on a bed? I lifted myself up into sitting position with a bit of struggle, wincing as I felt a pain in my stomach and arms. "Please rest," I heard the voice say again, except now I could see them. It was a man in a white coat and a mask with dark hair, he rushed over to me. "You're not yet fully healed." I stared at him for a moment with a completely puzzled expression. "Where am I?" I spoke in a raspy tired voice. "H/n hospital. You barely got here in time, your father called you an ambulance. You should be grateful, you almost didn't make it." He gave me a soft warm smile but that smile only made me angrier, I felt a burning sensation in my stomach and my skin got hot.
"My father?" I scoffed. "The only relation I have to that man is our blood. I don't want anyone to refer to him as 'My father'. He's the main reason I'm in here in the first place!" I said angrily. "Watch your tongue young lady," He scoffed angrily, looking at me with disgust. "Ya know you would've died if I didn't call that ambulance? If you had died yer mum would've killed me." I returned his look of disgust, "That was the point! I'm tired of your bullshit!"
"Please calm down, getting angry like this won't help your health." The doctor said in a calm tone. I scoffed and turned away, "If you want me to calm down then get this old bastard out of my sight." The doctor escorted him out of the room. I rubbed the temples of my forehead and sighed. I felt tears burn down my face. Why didn't it work? Why am I still here?
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(A/N)
I'm starting a new story 😊😚 this one isn't a fanfic or anything js an original story. I hope yall enjoy❤️❤️ sorry abt the chapter being so short. Byee :)
P.S; ignore the cover 😭 I couldn't think of what to do for it, it's js some random drawing I did for a random art project a while back.
