death reunites us || ruikasa angst

The stars undo our harmony.

We had been the closest of friends ever since that singular day. The day in first grade when we bumped into each other. It was an unforgettable memory, considering that everything else until last year was forgotten since it was "oh so long ago."

We spent our every second together - staring blankly into the stars, watching planes go across the sky. We would sit on swings in abandoned parks and laugh as we gossiped about the people in our classes. We would talk badly about the annoying students, and we'd think about how we should've changed the world.

The first real beginning of our friendship was in fourth grade. We were so cute - got shipped by our friends and got told we were "deserving of each other's love". The poor people who didn't know anything about our friendship didn't deserve to know - their hearts would've broken after knowing that we argue all the time. There's never a moment in our friendship that we go without bickering.

I felt like I was struck by lightning the day that he came home surrounded by friends.

I smiled, although I knew that he would slowly forget about me. I decided to not think about it - knowing that it was just his charming façade, pretending to be someone he's really not. Although he shines out as a confident "star", I know I'll never be better than him no matter how hard I try. I was his outshined star.

I looked at the stars out the window, knowing Rui wasn't here to view them with me this starry night. The cold breeze seeping through the gaps of the window only added to the shiver my body felt - and the tingle running through my veins.

I looked out the window coldly, my gaze only drifting when I heard a thud from the dorm beside us. New people moved in recently, and only recently did Rui say we'd meet them. I don't see him too often on Friday nights. He's never home, since college parties go on all the time.

So many people have left this year. It's honestly chaotic hearing stories about why people leave and being forced to play into the fabricated lies I'm being told. Toya didn't leave because he "didn't like the society", he left because his father didn't want him being at such a "poor" school.

Emu only got kicked out because they don't believe autism is real. They believed that she was faking it and that she was "trying to get attention". People laughed when she was told that she was a freak, yet she was only trying to be herself.

Nobody actually wanted to get kicked out - Kamiyama is one of the nicest schools in the area. Constant competition with Miyumasuzaka occurs, yet everyone knows they have a better society. It's a poor competition that everybody should know we're losing. We've already lost - we lost years ago.

It was only a matter of time before Rui gets kicked out for "being too chaotic" and "hosting parties too frequently". At the end of the day, it's just a norm at this point that someone gets attacked or that somebody gets a warning. People take things too seriously.

Rui doesn't really care about me sometimes. I mean, I know that deep down he would save me over anyone - and he tells me that, but sometimes it can be really hard to believe when he refuses to help me. It's just because he has to study and he's a busy guy. He actually has a life. I'm just a loser - an unknown loser who'd be called a freak if I were open.

I checked my phone - hoping for a notification. Hoping that I got an email - or that somebody texted me.

Mizuki texted at the exact moment I needed her - the moment I needed someone to keep me sane. I quickly opened her message with a warm smile, yet it faded shortly after - knowing that she was just wanting something. I looked at her message and read it.

[FROM MIZUKI]
"Hey, coming to that party tonight? We're all waiting."

I stared at the message, debating how to reply. Truth be told, I didn't want to go. I really didn't feel like it. Rui wouldn't want me there, and I don't want to meet anyone new. I really wasn't in the mood for a social event right now.

[FROM TSUKASA]
"I don't really feel like it, sorry Mizuki. :(" 

The message was sent, and they immediately replied with a heart and left me on seen. They understood me just like I wished Rui could.

He's always been my closest friend since preschool - and I knew that as much as we may hate each other sometimes, we know far too much about each other to leave our friendship and drift away. I would kill to be close friends with him again. I would kill to wake up in the mornings and have 7 texts where he tried to spell 'good morning'

We were something that I wish we could be now. 

But hey - we were still just best friends. He just neglects me sometimes - but that's alright! I'm an adult. I can look after myself. It's alright. 

It's all right.

I'm alright.

I'm.

.

.

.