***authors note***
This story is from the POV of a ballet artist who faces eating disorders and every chapter will have a bit of her day and then a diary entry (all diary entries will be written or typed in italics)
***story time***
my name is Petra Zakharova. I'm a student at the Vaganova Academy of Russian Ballet. At 5'1 I weigh 86 pounds. Ballet is my passion and my entire existence. But ballet is more complicated than doing a couple of dance moves. Perfection is necessary. And that's why I starve myself. I need to be perfect.
***dairy entry***
Ballet. It's beautiful. It's amazing. It's violent,cruel, and unforgiving. Ballet is blunt, there's only black and white...no gray and definitely no color. Of course it's that doesn't mean it's bland and lifeless... As stated before it's beautiful and entertaining,but it's also painful
Perfection. Such a complicated term. If you were to look it up on Webster dictionary every definition uses the word perfection...except for 1 or 2 stating that something that is perfect is something that cannot be improved or (in modern terms) is flawless. Even though there are those 2 definitions most of the time you'll hear something that is perfect is simply perfect...but is perfection something in the eye of the beholder? Is it something testable? Or is it just another word to slip from people's mouth at seemingly appropriate times.
As complicated as perfection is it's all a ballerina strives for. Perfection is a necessity. Ballet creates a thirst for the perfect pirouettes, the perfect fouetté, the perfect pointe, the perfect arabesque, the perfect grand jeté, and the perfect body. While a ballet move can simply be perfected in some way a perfect ballet body is more complicated
The ballerina needs to be tall but can't be too tall. She needs to be slender, if she is 5 feet tall her expected weight is about 85 pounds. She needs long arms and legs. A long neck and a small head, And a small bust. Of course this the more recent portrayal of how the body should look.
Quite differently originally the body of a ballet dancer was expected to be stocky and muscular. Nowadays a body that is too wide or has too much dormant muscle or fat has an extremely low chance of being accepted into a company
But fitting into the image of a ballerina isn't the only reason girls starve themselves. We know we have to look good on stage. We need to look perfect in a body hugging leotard and tights. We see ourselves repeatedly in a full length mirror in a tight leotard,tights and a flimsy see through skirt. In an outfit like that you can't hide any flaws. So seeing yourself for countless hours like that isn't exactly confidence boosting.
All the details that pertain to a perfect ballet body create the ethereal image a principle dancer must express. If your legs are too short or if your just too tall principal dancer isn't a title your gonna receive. And that's all a ballerina wants. To be principle ballerina.
