We're in This Together

Episode 50

"May I have your name, please, Miss?" the police officer inquired as I sat by my doorway, wrapped in a thick blanket provided by the emergency center.

"Jennifer Alison," I murmured in response. With a nod, he jotted down the information in his notebook.

"And what about his name?" he gestured towards the ambulance where James lay motionless on the stretcher. Following his gaze, my heart sank.

"That's my brother, James Alison," I answered quietly, unable to tear my eyes away until they covered him with a white cloth.

"Did you have any knowledge of his situation?" the officer pressed, prompting me to meet his gaze. "Any indications or words before he... before he took his own life?" he asked gently. I shook my head slowly.

"I'm not sure," I paused, exhaustion weighing heavily. "I wasn't given a chance to understand, Officer," I added, my gaze dropping to my blood-stained bare feet, still chilled from the water. Without further inquiry, he regarded me with a gaze I could sense before letting out a soft sigh, tucking his notepad away before posing another question.

"Any relatives or family members?" the officer inquired once more. I shook my head.

"I'm an orphan," I hesitated, then clarified, "I mean... we don't have any other family." I met his gaze as I spoke. Without a word, the officer simply nodded in understanding. We lapsed into a silence, interrupted only when one of the ambulance team members called out to him.

"We're ready to go, Sir," the staff announced.

"I'll be a moment," the officer replied, signaling for them to wait. As their conversation drifted to my ears, my focus returned to the ambulance, watching as they loaded James's still form onto the stretcher. I was lost in the solemn procession until the officer's voice brought me back to the present.

"We'll handle everything from here. Just stay safe indoors for now, alright?" he advised, to which I nodded in assent. "Take care," he added briskly, turning towards his patrol car. Slowly, I rose from my spot by the doorway, intending to retreat indoors. However, before I could step inside, I noticed my neighbors casting furtive glances in my direction, murmuring amongst themselves. Perhaps discussing James's tragic end or simply my presence. Amidst their whispers, a loud announcement echoed from the police car, drawing my attention once more.

"Everyone, please return to your homes!" the officer's voice blared over the speaker, prompting the neighbors to hurriedly retreat indoors. It was evident he recognized my unease, offering a subtle nod as our eyes briefly met. Without further ado, I swiftly slipped inside, securing the door behind me. The faint hum of the car engine faded as it departed from my residence.

As the vehicle receded into the distance, I collapsed onto the floor, my legs heavy and numb. "Why, James?" I murmured softly to myself, folding my knees to my chest. Tears welled in my eyes, a torrent of sorrow and remorse crashing over me. What if I had been there with him? Could I have thwarted his tragic choice? Would he still be alive? Each question, each memory of James, amplified my self-reproach.

Fueled by a surge of self-directed anger, I began to strike my cheeks forcefully, a desperate attempt to release the pent-up anguish and torment. "It should have been me," I muttered through gritted teeth, the sting of each blow barely registering against the ache in my chest. Yet, I couldn't halt the onslaught of strikes, driven by an overwhelming sense of guilt, until a faint whimper from upstairs pierced through my turmoil, jolting me back to reality.

"Adie," I called out to myself, mustering strength as I hurried upstairs to my room. Swinging open the door, I found my 5-month-old baby girl, her cries piercing the air. Without a moment's hesitation, I gathered her into my arms.