When all else but him came back, would it still be the same for Maria or would it be totally different?
It’s been a year or so since Miko died. Siguro natanggap ko na din dahil kahit noon pa man tinuruan na nya akong tanggapin na mawawala at mawawala sya. Pero minsan di ko naman maiwasang hindi sya maisip. You can’t blame me. He’s my first love. Iba kasi talaga ang impact ng first lalo na pag nagtagal din naman kayo at may malalim na pinagsamahan. I can still remember how foolish I am back then. The revenge thing. My gosh. Parang gusto ko tuloy bumalik sa past para batukan ang sarili ko at sabihing ‘Gaga! Wag kang maarte.’ Hahahaha. Pero, those were the days na marami akong natutunan. Marami akong nalaman sa buhay. Marami din akong nasaktan. Iniisip ko na lang, now, I am a better person. Looking back to where I was, masasabi kong malaki na ang pinagbago ko. Ito yata yung sinasabi nilang tumatanda ka na. Nagmamature ka na din para maisip na ang childish mo pala noon. And then you’ll probably think or ask yourself, “Why did I do that?” o “Anong pumasok sa kokote ko at nagpakatanga ako ng ganon?”. Pero at least now I know na hindi ko na sya gagawin ulit. E kasi alam ko na na mali yun. He taught me so much more than loving. So much more. I’m glad he came. Kahit we hurt each other, he still managed to be a part of my life before and until now.
-Maria Divina <3
TEASER:
After packing my stuff, I went to tita Yva’s. Sinalubong ako ni tita Yva. She led me to the guest room where i will be staying for the night. Pagkatapos, umupo kami sa garden habang nag memeryenda.
She’s talking about trimming the plants and buying roses. Yan kasi ang past time nya e. Gardening. We talked about movies, teleserye, plants and favorite filipino dishes.
“I heard Jake’s going back in town.” She said suddenly. From puchero and kare kare to Jake. It was so sudden kaya di agad ako nakapagsalita.
“He added me on facebook. Tapos nagka chat din kami. Babalik na yata sya maybe this week or next week. I don’t know, makakalimutin na ako.” She said to me, smiling.
Tumango lang ako. Anong sasabihin ko?
“Kayo? Are you keeping in touch?” she asked.
“Ah.. no tita. Lately kasi busy din po ako.”
“Kelan ba kayo huling nagka usap?”
“Aaah.. Siguro po..ano matagal na po. After Miko died, i guess.” I said while looking at the bee hopping from flower to flower.
“Wow. That’s over a year. Bakit ganun katagal.”
“Hindi ko po alam e. He just... disappeared.” I said, sipping my orange juice.
“ Alam mo, i Really thought na after my son died, you’ll be with him. Honestly, akala ko kasi—“
She didn’t continue. Hindi ko rin alam kung ano ang ibig nyang sabihin dun. Kung good ba or bad yung sinabi nya. Kaya tuloy di ko alam kung pano magrereact.
“He’s a good kid though.” She said.
I smiled.
Yes. He is. Very good he didn’t even care to talk to me before he left.
Tita yva is grateful na pumunta ako. Namimiss nya daw si Miko and I can’t blame her. Kahit ako, sometimes, namimiss ko din sya. But I’m trying to remember the promise I gave him na hanggang sa huli ay pinanghawakan nya. That I’ll be happy even after he’s gone. Kung tatanungin ako, Yes I still love him. Hindi naman mawawala yun diba? But if you’re trying to ask me how much do i love him, i don’t know. Hindi ko alam kung yung pagmamahal ko ngayon is the love na wala nang ibang makakapantay pa. Or something that I can treasure forever although I can love somebody else. It’s hard to tell kung one love o hindi. I’m still young at mahirap magsalita ng tapos. Pero so far, wala pang ibang lalaking pumapantay sa kanya. Not that i am comparing every boy to him pero i just know it. Alam ko deep inside wala pang malapit sa kanya. Not even close. Except one...
