.-• Kissable Scars.. •-. (Kazuscara<3) (honestly i suck at making titles)

Wake up sleepy head 🥰🥰

~ Scaramouche POV ~
- ~•~ -

I like the smell of maple, I smell maple right now.

It's a comforting scent. Like warmth spreading through my nose... and my body?

Wait—what is that maple smell?

I open my eyes. White hair. Kazuha. Kazuha smells like maples. I'm hugging Kazuha right now— no, I'm cuddling with him.

Just what the fuck happened last night? I know we were going to sleep together, but not on the floor and defiantly not cuddling!

My face feels hot. Do I have a fever? I don't know. Maybe Its because I'm against another person body heat. Yeah! This is all Kazuha's fault. Let's just blame Kazuha.

Alright so, none of this will be awkward as long as I can get up without waking him up.

I slowly move away from Kazuha, lifting the sheets up gently. Don't wake up, don't wake up, don't wake up—

"Scara..?" I tense. Scara? Scara?? That's what... you know what, never mind. It's not like he knew. It's fine, is not like Kazuha is him. Kazuha is a good person, he doesn't use a malicious intent behind that name.

"...yes?" I start to stand up as a talk, Kazuha seems half asleep. His eyes are barely open, his hair looks like a birds nest and his face is puffy.

I see him close his eyes again for a second, as if to reset himself. "Ah, nothing. What time is it?" He starts to get up as well, stretching his arms out as he sit crisscross. He looks so eager yet sleepy at the same time, it's kind of cute.

No, I can't say that, that's gay.

I look around, only to spot my phone on the nightstand. It was using the only charger available. Kazuha must've given up his charger for me. Or maybe I just took it. Probably just took it.

I take my phone in my hand, checking the time. 12:30. 12:30?! Damn, it's pretty late. I never sleep in this late. Maybe it's because I slept with Kazuha... No, no, Scaramouche don't think like that. Fucking hell.

"12:30." I respond, putting my phone into my baggy sleeping shorts. Kazuha's eyebrows raise, guess he had the same reaction. Now, just what happened last night...

The video. That's right, Heizou sent the video to Kazuha, and I deleted it before Kazuha could see it. The video. The video of what Heizou did to me. The video where he kissed me, the video where I kissed him. Why the fuck did that shit still exist. That must've been why I had gotten drunk.

"Hey Scaramouche, do you... remember anything that happened last night?" Kazuha's voice had a bit of anxiousness to it. Why? Did I do something?

"A bit, I guess." I sigh, shaking the thoughts of the video out of my head to focus on anything that could've happened last night. C'mon Scaramouche, think.

"Oh." A realization hit me. I did the same thing that had happened in the video. I kissed Kazuha. Without his consent. I feel sick again.

"Scaramouche, it's fine, it's alright. I don't mind it, you were drunk. It's okay." Kazuha must've noticed me go pale, he also gets up, giving me a hug. His arms slither around my back. I know he's trying to comfort me, but it doesn't feel like it should. All it's doing is... reminding me of the video. Fuck.

I let him continue to hug me. Is this my punishment for forcing myself onto him? He doesn't even know he's punishing me right now, all he thinks is that he's giving me a comforting hug, right? That's what most people would think, isn't it? That a hug is comforting. It should feel comforting, why won't it feel comforting?

I feel my insides twist and shift, my heart beats fast. I think my face goes paler. Kazuha can't even see, all he can see is my back. All I can feel is his head resting on my shoulder, his arms reaching on my skin. It reminds of Heizou's arms.

Why can't I just live normally? Why can't I just feel normal about a hug? Why did I have to go and get so fucked up where everything that happens to me feels like what Heizou did to me? Why can't I just be normal?

I hate it. I hate this. I hate hugs. I hate my fucking self. And I fucking hate Heizou.

A pit of unbridled rage burns my skin as it tries to escape it, but it never is able to melt through the tough barrier. My skin is the fear I feel for Heizou, I can never face him, because I'm scared. I'm scared that he'll do that stuff to me again, that I'll repeat everything. That I'll always be the bad person in all this.

Maybe time slowed down when I was thinking this, because it almost seemed as if Kazuha let go as soon as he hugged me. It felt like an internal second. Maybe he noticed how I felt. God, was he going to fucking noticed how fucked up I am now?

"Are you okay?" The gentle voice snapped me from my thoughts. 'Are you okay?' I haven't heard those words spoken that sincere in a while. But is it really sincere, does he really care? Maybe he does. Kazuha's a good person, he's empathetic and can stand up for himself against horrible people like Heizou. I can't. All I can do is get trapped in my own thoughts and wallow in self pity. I don't deserve to be his friend, I made him loose all of his.

His friends are fighting with him because of me, and he's still on my side. He could've just left me and been happier. He could've just ignored me and chose to believe a lie that made him feel better. He's a fucking saint, he doesn't deserve a friend like Heizou.

"I'm fine." My reply comes out more hushed and quick than I meant. I doubt he believed that. I'm sorry Kazuha. I'm sorry for being so selfish.

//-//

Words: 1020

GUESS WHO IS BACKKKKK!!!! Yeah, me. Anyways, mb for not updating for a month. I had end of year testing and forgot to write a new chapter. Anyways, I wrote most of this in one day so sorry if it's bad. Uhhhhh— yeah that's about it. See yall next chapter!!!