So Long, Geneve

Amari's POV

Trigger Warning: Suicide

As I stared into the moon, I couldn't help but to cry. I was loved, appreciated, and cared for, but why do I always feel that I am alone. I always find myself crumbling like a little ball in my bed and crying nonstop. I cried and I cried but it seems that no one can hear me.

I tried reaching out for help before but no one would take me seriously so it became my fear now. I was selfless and selfish at the same time, I would be the type of friend and lover that would be there for the people she loves yet I would drown myself with my own problems without even asking for help. So maybe I am the problem, maybe I am wrong. But I don't deserve any of this, right?

I can run, but I can't hide.

"Sis! Naka gawa ka na ba nung para sa Entrep. niyo?" Tanong ko sa bestfriend ko na busy sa ginagawa niya. Tango na lamang ang na tanggap ko sa kanya pero di ako tumigil sa pangungulit ko sa kanya.

"Geneve! Sabay tayo uwi mamaya ha" Agad kong nakuha ang atensyon niya sa aking sinabi. She looked confused at what I just said.

"Bakit di ka sa boyfriend mo mag pa hatid?" I felt a pain in my heart when she mentioned him. The smile on my face suddenly disappeared and I know she noticed that.

My mind is clouded with thoughts but I utter a sentence that I know she would believe "Busy siya sis eh"

After I said that she let out a sarcastic laugh "Isn't he always busy?" she said.

"Oo na sis, sabay na tayo." Once I heard that from her I tried putting up a smile.

"Antayin mo ko ha! Kasi for sure mag over time nanaman samin si Sir. Sales" Saad ko sa kanya. Natawa na lamang siya sa aking sinabi.

She starts fixing her stuff and I can't stop looking at her. I know she could feel my eyes on her but it didn't stop me anyways.

"Bakit?" Tanong niya sa akin habang pa tuloy parin siya sa pag aayos ng gamit niya.

"Nothing, I'll just miss you" I told her all heartedly. I wish I could tell her what's going on in my head right now but I don't want to be a burden to her.

"Wag kang ganyan, Amari. Tunog i-iwan mo ko" Agad akong na pa tayo sa kina u-upuan ko ng marinig ko ang sinabi niya. Dali-dali ko kinuha ang mga notebook kong nasa lamesa at inayos ang mga gamit ko.

"Una na ako sis ha" Binigyan ko siya ng halik sa noo bago ako tuluyan umalis. Habang nag lalakad ako ay nararamdaman kong may luha ng pumapatak sa aking mga mata, sinubukan ko itong punasan pero kahit anong punas ko ay hindi ko mapa kalma ang aking sarili.

Habang pa tuloy ako sa pag punas ng aking mga luha ay natanaw ko ang boyfriend ko sa hindi kalayuan. Na pa hinto ako sa aking pag lalakad at pinag masdan lamang siya.

The world might not be kind to me but I'm thankful that I met him.

When his gaze is starting to go in my direction I immediately run away.

I didn't know where to go but I found myself in the school gymnasium, and there I was met by silence. All I can hear now is my thoughts and it's mocking me like a mockingbird.

I decided to sit on one of the benches and let my tears finally flow. Silence was my enemy yet it also brought me peace, something I can't have in our house. My parents only notice me when I make mistakes as if they forgot how hard I always try to make them proud.