The Soul Searchers [EN]

Chapter 3

"Did you see how she tried to make that basketball bounce?"

I'm immediately on the edge when I hear Chayenne's voice. I quicken my pace towards the classroom for the next lesson, hoping to put enough distance between me and the mocking words so that I can no longer hear them. Unfortunately Chayenne and her friends stay within earshot.

"It really didn't look like much. Every time that thing bounced on the nose of her shoe, causing the basketball rolling across the room. Seriously, after a few times you get that, right?" says Gabriella, laughing.

"Auria clearly doesn't. Maybe that's the reason she didn't get chosen by the Elite. She is just too stupid." Hildes words hit hard. I cringe like I'm truly physically hit by a basketball. It surprises me that they have left me alone during the P.E. class itself and they didn't 'accidentally' throw a basketball in my stomach.

I stiffen when Gabriella suddenly walks next to me and puts an arm around me. Her body heat burns right through my dark blue jacket and the white blouse of my school uniform. "It's okay, Auria. Just keep practicing." Laughing, the three of them enter the classroom. My heart beats like crazy. It feels like my heart would like to escape out of my chest, just as much as I want to escape from this school. I try to control my heartrate by taking deep breaths. It wasn't that bad, I tell myself. They didn't do anything. You're just overreacting.

Mr. Schmidt folds his hands behind his back and walk to the empty classroom. The fact that there are no tables or chairs, can only mean one thing.

"Today, we are going to practice the Adoption." With that simple conformation of what I already thought, Mr. Schmidt makes me tremble from head to toe. I can't do this. Adoption means that a Soul Searcher intertwines his soul with another soul, something I longed for all my life, but that's only so I don't have to go to school anymore. I find the Adoption itself is terrifying. While other children are terribly afraid of doing gymnastics during P.E., I am afraid of the Adoption. With all the other students, the Adoption always seems to happen naturally, but with me there is always something that goes wrong. The last time we practiced the Adoption, I had hit the body of the person we were practicing on. Although the study books describe the Adoption as "a simple process in which the Soul Searcher moves through the adoptee's body and intertwines his soul with the adoptee's soul" and all the other students at the school claim that getting through the body is just as easy as swimming through water, namely "with some effort but certainly not difficult", the body seems to be an impenetrable wall of stone when I try to practice the Adoption. I never get through it.

"It's of great importance to clean your head and being calm, while doing the Adoption." The gaze of the teacher lingers on me for so long that I almost feel convicted. I take a deep breath and try to control my nerves. Fear only makes the Adoption harder, and when the Adoption gets harder I will fear more. I have to prevent getting into that vicious circle at all costs, because if that happens things are bound to go wrong. Keep calm, Auria, I say to myself. Take deep breaths. Inhale and exhale. I take a few breaths and manage to slow my accelerated heart rate. I'm starting to calm down a bit, but that peace is rudely disturbed by Mr. Schmidt's commanding voice: "Auria."

I open my eyes wide. "Yes, sir?" I squeak softly, even though I already know what he wants from me.

"You may go first. Who wants to be the adoptee?" Mr. Schmidt looks at the class, waiting for someone to volunteer. I wait uneasily, knowing that no one is going to raise their hand, not for me. "Come on, not everyone at the same time."

Chayenne whispers something to Gabriella who starts to giggle. Apart from that, the classroom remains silent.

"Chayenne, since you're obviously not paying attention to my class, you can be the adoptee." Mr. Schmidt looks at her piercingly. My throat gets screwed shut. No, not Chayenne. Everyone except her. I don't have the courage to speak those words out loud, so I take a few steps forward in doubt. "Come on, don't be so shy ladies," Mr. Schmidt urges us. I take an effort to make my head empty, but there're rushing all kinds of thoughts through my brain instead. What if Chayenne blocks me on purpose? Is that even possible? What if Mr. Schmidt wasn't so forceful for once, would I manage to entwine my soul with another one? I stand opposite Chayenne as I increasingly get the feeling that a plot is being hatched against me at this moment. Probably, Chayenne already has a mean trick ready. I feel it.

I close my eyes and force myself to create emptiness in my head. Although I'm able to fill my lungs with as much oxygen as I can, it feels like I'm about to suffocate. Keep calm, I tell myself. It's going to be okay. Everything's going to be okay. Just take deep breaths and remain calm. My heart starts to lower its pace. On that moment I let go of my body peace by peace, like a like a string on your T-shirt that you pull until it comes loose. Firstly, I lose feeling in my limbs, then my head, neck and shoulders also are starting to numb. I feel the strange feeling in my stomach – something between nerves and enthusiasm - that tells me I'm ready to leave my body. My heart begins to beat uncontrollably fast again when I feel that I'm just hanging on by a paper thin string.

I feel myself slowly rising upwards, as if gravity suddenly disappeared. This is not what is supposed to happen! With all the strength I have, I try to get back to my own body, but a soul leaving a body is the same as wanting to go down the highest water slide and changing your mind at the last minute: you already let go and the current threatens to pull you away. Desperately, I cling to the thin thread. I have to get down again. I have to! Panicking, I start to trash around.

It feels like there is a storm raging in my soul; sheer panic rushes though it like a strong wind and the fear takes me by surprise like a sudden rain shower on a warm summer afternoon.

I can't breathe, I can't breathe! My soul manoeuvres itself in the strangest shapes and I have no control over it anymore. I'm nauseous because of the many spins and it's getting foggy in my head. Suddenly my favourite colour is summer and my favourite animal is painting. It feels the same as the moment right before you fall asleep: you are still lucid enough to realize that your sentences don't make sense, but it still sounds logic. What happens if my soul continues wander around without a body? Will I be lost forever? Nobody who can help me, nobody who can hear me. Would I wander as a ghost, trapped within the cold, stone walls of The Periculum forever? And that all alone. Alone...

Exactly at that moment I am thrown back in my own body, but it feels like something stops me from getting up. In blind panic I start screaming and with all the strength I have, I hit the invisible shell. Everyone looks at me with fear and pity. Even Chayenne looks shocked. The fact that everybody can see me laying here makes me wonder if the shell is actually there or if it are my own concoctions that make me see things that aren't there, that the only prison where I'm currently trapped, is my own imagination.

Mr. Schmidt looks at me, waiting. He studies my movements intently and taking in my cries of help. I expect him to draw out a notepad at any moment to make notes and describe this event in detail. Why is he just standing there? Why doesn't he help me? For the umpteenth time in my life, I feel terribly alone and the fear that it will stay like that forever grips my heart.

And then, just as suddenly as the prison had appeared, it disappears. I scramble to my feet and run out of the classroom, heading down the stairs. Air. I need fresh air. The hallway is spinning so violently, Villa Volta is nothing compared to this. I'm not even halfway the stairs when my stomach turns around. The vomit works its way out with great force. I stumble back up the stairs and grab onto the banister as I trip over the steps. Only now do I notice how exhausted I actually am. I lower myself through my legs, gasping for breath. Black spots appear before my eyes and the little stars dance up and down. Exhausted, I rest my head on the cold stones. I feel my eye lids getting heavier. At the end of the hallway stands someone, his body hidden in the shadows of the chilly school building, but the two pitch black eyes staring at me doesn't escape me. It's the last thing I see before the darkness swallows me up.