After several runs on the treadmill, I finally stopped, drenched in sweat. I tend to eat a lot whenever I'm with Martin, so I'm worried about my weight.
I'll do yoga later.
It's Sunday today, and tonight I'll be sleeping at Mama's house. As usual, Papa isn't at his house, so he instructed me to stay with Mama for the week. None of the plans my parents made will come to fruition.
I'm okay with it; I'm not fond of extravagant celebrations. I just want to celebrate with my family and close friends.
"Ms. Arsinoe, Congressman Salem is on the line," Nurse Iwa said from the front, handing me the wireless telephone. I pressed the off button on the treadmill and grabbed the towel hanging nearby to wipe the sweat off my face.
Her face on the other end was blank, as if it had never been happy in its life.
"Hello," I said, feeling bored.
Silence on the other end.
I wonder why he called me this time.
Papa spoke next. "Pack your things, Arsinoe."
I furrowed my brow. "Why?"
"You'll celebrate your birthday here," Papa said casually, as if there were no problems.
"I don't want to. I'll be staying with Mama until Wednesday," I firmly said.
"Thrace and I have already talked." My response seemed to fall on deaf ears.
I pinched my chin, annoyed by this sudden change of plans. My plan was to go with Martin to Switzerland.
It's ruined!
"Why? Why do I have to celebrate my birthday there? Did Mama agree on this?" I couldn't help but question him.
This isn't like him. A gift is enough for him. His presence on my birthday is already more than I could ask for.
This isn't like the Congressman. Richard Salem.
I can count on one hand how many times he's come, and it's not often.
So seldom.
He never made an effort. Does a gift count?
No!
How did he convince Mama?
What false hopes did my father give her?
"Why not? You're my child. Don't I have the right to organize your birthday?" It felt so unreal to hear it from him.
Since when did my father become a comedian?
Is he joking? Wow!
"I'm not coming, Papa," I said forcefully, with a hint of anger.
He's messing with my head, and for what? So I can quickly accept the child he's bringing back from Argentina?!
I cannot; I'm hurt.
Walang pinagtunguhan ang usapan, ibinaba at hindi tinapos pa.
Apat na araw na lamang bago ang kaarawan ko ngunit hindi ko maramdaman ang saya o kahit pananabik. My parents are in chaos right now; they are fighting again because Papa always flies back to Argentina.
My mother couldn't stop him from seeing his other child.
Ako?
I didn't try to ask him to stay again. Noon pa man alam kong malayo ang loob sa akin ni Papa, kung hindi lang pula ang buhok ko o galing sa kaniya ang ilang parte ng aking wangis baka ni sulyap hindi nito maibibigay.
Ngayon pa ba ako lulubog sa mga negatibong emosyon, kung kailan pinupunan lahat iyon ng Gobernador ng positobong pagmamahal.
He also didn't try to explain to me; if he did, probably I'm not going to listen, though Papa never heard anything from me.
But it doesn't mean I'm fine with it.
I already gave up the thought of having a complete family. Wala na, ano pang aasahan ko kung matagal naman ng ganito. Iniisip ko nga na malas ako, kasi nang pinanganak ako tuluyan na talagang nagkawatak-watak ang pamilya.
There was a time when Mama would tell me stories about their lives before I was born.
Parang canvas na puno ng makukulay na tinta, iyon lang nang lumitaw ako naging itim at puti na ang lahat, nadamay pa ang mga Kuya ko.
Was it truly me, or was it just how their marriage fell apart?
Sinungaling ako kung sasabihin kong hindi ko kinainggitan lahat ng mga batang nakakasalamuha ko. The typical family is joyous, not toxic or purely nonchalant.
Like we had.
May mga kuya ako, pero hindi ko sila nakasalamuha ng matagal. I'm not close with Kuya Lysimachus and Kuya Ptolemy because I grew up without them by my side since they live with Papa while Kuya Seleucus studies abroad.
Sa kanilang tatlo tanging si Kuya Seleucus ang nagparamdam sa akin na kapatid niya ako at hindi naiiba sa kanila.
So they expected that I would grow normally under my mother's care.
It's not as if she won my custody from the court, but it's because my father didn't believe I was one of his offspring.
Kalkalin man ang pinakakailaliman ng mermoya sa aking utak, walang makikitang magandang alaala kasama ang aking ama. It was pure monochrome, too vivid to see how my father made me feel so unwanted.
