Too late-Eren x Reader one shot

Too late

Song: When it's cold I'd like to die
(Heard it on tiktok while writing and it made me sad)

"So this is it?"

He meets my eyes quickly before shooting them down to look at his hands again. What happened to mass murderer eren? Who is this little shy boy infront of me?

"I guess."

He mumbles. I sigh as shivers wash over me. This is it.

"I guess, you already know what's gonna happen now."

"Enlighten me."

He looks up again. Annoyed. I do understand. I wish I didn't.

"You kill me. After I kill 80% of the population you kill me and become heroes, getting home safely. Keep living a normal life."

"You might be the dumbest person I've ever met. You idot."

"Come on, you over anyone should know it wasn't real. I don't hate you. I could never. I'm doing all of this for you guys."

I shake my head at his comments.

"This means you can life happily. Y/n? You can find a man to marry and have kids. Forget about me, there's nothing left to do."

This is the Eren I hate. 'This is all my fault.' 'Leave me behind' yadiyadiyada.

"Are you pretending to be so dumb like you pretended to hate me? Pushing me away? Again?"

His eyes shoot down again. He knows I'm right.

"I'm sorry."

"I know."

"I know you hate me, I would too. So forget about me, punch me, kick me, do whatever you want. I deserve it all."

"You do." My face remains stern and angry.

Eren seems annoyed at my short answers.
"If you don't want to talk just say so. I'll send you back and we never have to see each other again."

For some reason that sentence made my heart ache. I bite my lip as I refrain myself from crying. I keep silent.

Erens eyes are burning. I can feel them observing me as my face is turned to the ground.
He sighs and looks around.

"I didn't know where to take you. So I just brought us back home."

That's Right. We were in Shiganshina. I felt the familiar rocks amd pebbles underneath me as I sat on my knees facing Eren. It was a formal seating.

"What do I need to so for you to hate me?"

I hate how he said that. Like everything that has happened is his fault and he wants me to forget he's ever existed.

"I wish I could hate you."

"What's stopping you? I've killed millions and betrayed all my friends. I've become the very thing I swore to defeat. I've put you all in danger. Hange's dead, Sasha's dead all because of me. Why won't you just hate me?"

The pain in his voice gives him away. How it shakes when talking about it. How he can't look at me. How he spits out the last sentence trying to sound angry. This isn't mass murderer Eren. This is a little boy.

I can't stop the tears and I look up frantically.

"Why can't you see!? Why can't you understand!?"

"Understand what!?"

He's yelling. I stand up on shaking legs, he does the same.

"Mass murderer evil genius. And you still can't see."

"See what!? Why won't you just hate me!?"

I leap forwards and grab his head with my hands. In an act of desperation I collide my lips with his. I feel him stumble in surprise. I press my eyes shut as the teats start running down my cheeks. I hate being thsi vurnerable infront of him. But what else can I do?

I break the kiss and meet his eyes. His cheeks are red and eyes wide as they stare back at me. I'm ready for him to start yelling at me again. Instead he reaches out and puts both his hands on my shoulders. Were both quiet and I wipe my face quickly.
He makes a noise, a whine. He breathes in deeply and his body starts to shake. He turns his face down to the rocky street as he cries out loud. I look at him with mouth still open. His legs give out and he sinks to the ground again. His arms following him down from my shoulders. I grab his hands quickly and sit down closer to him than before. He wont look at me. Just cry frantically. After a few seconds he says something.
"I don't want to die." Over and over again he repeats it between his deep sobs. He chokes on his words and I can barely make out what he's trying to say.
I've been frozen in place for a while now. But I finally get to my senses.
"Eren?"
He doesn't react.
"Eren looks at me."
I cry out as I grab his face again and turn it to look at me.
His face is all red. I've never seem him like this.
I pull him into a tight hug as I wrap my arms around his shaking body.
Almost immediately I can feel his arms around me. He buries his face in my shoulders as he keeps crying. I move on hand to hold the back on his head as I whisper conforting words in his ear.

It feels surreal. I've loved Eren for years. For as long as I can remember. To hold him like this is one of the things I've wanted to do most in my life. And here he is.
The part I hate, is that he won't be for long.

I want to stay in this place forever. I don't want to fight a war that only has one possible outcome. Which is for this to become impossible to ever experience again.
But I don't have time to think about that. Because right now Eren is in my arms.

My thoughts are interupted by Eren pulling away. He's still crying, but he's calmed down. He holds my face and looks at me again. His blue-green eyes are almost even prettier when they're filled with tears.
"I don't want to die, Y/n. I want to be here with you forever. And I wish...I would've told you earlier. Because now it's too late."

I hate it because its true.

I shake my head and press my forehead against his. He takes a shaky breath.

"I love you."