The messages you wrote me

Closed Chapter

The whole story ended. It ended 4 years ago. 

If anybody read it, 

Its a completely private thing. Its all the messages that my ex-boyfriend wrote for me...hehe.

Our relationship was only known to our friends, we used to text each other a lot. I never thought the love will end one day but today looking backwards to 4 years, it was a silly thing or maybe not -My First Love.

I wasn't able to save all the messages he wrote me, I deleted the whole chat and his contact but I wrote some of his texts that fluttered my heart in a diary. 

Today while cleaning I got the diary and reading all those his messages made me realized that 'oh I once got loved like this and never realized at that time.' It was pure. 

I don't wanna loose these messages. Maybe someday again I can read it and feel better maybe.

So here goes the messages, now its ok even though the diary is lost.

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Message 1

" Thankyou for saying 'yes' even though you knew it would be risky. I don't care whether your uncle kill me when they find out, I just want you to be safe . So say anything you like about me, like I am annoying you or something like that. I don't want to be the reason why your mom hits you, or reason why you stop studying, Just be safe, I love you."

Message 2

"Your reaction...

Your reaction was so beautiful. I wish, I could live through it a million times. I didn't  knew what to do but I wanted to hug you tightly or kiss you all over your face or squeeze your cute face.. I hope I could make you happy like this in the future too. Because seeing you happy, I can't even describe how I feel. When you smile also..also I don't know why my heartbeat increases so much when I see your smile. Yesterday you made me move your hair from eyes. You're so lucky that we were in the class, Oh my GOD.. I was losing my control//. The way you looked at me.. God, I am so lucky to have you..

I wanted to write it in malayalam but then it would probably take a week for me to finish writing it.."

Message 3

November 15, 2019

" In my 18 years of life, I have only proposed to one girl and that's you so I didn't  say I like you for fun, I made sure, I love you and it's not just an infatuation. You have actually made me feel things I've never felt before, feelings I can't even explain.

I can't say that to your face because...I don't know. I just can't. My mouth just stop working."

Message 4

December 11, 2019

"Favorite Customer, Idea misses you too. I pend a long time just staring at the message. I don't even have words to describe how I feel, especially when you hugged me while on scooty. I am sure I will remember this day no matter what happens. Evertime I saw your brown eye through the helmet, I wished to give you a kiss. I want you to feel special because I feel extremely lucky to have you and I want you to feel the same"

Message 5

" I guess I can't call you... so instead I'll text you what I wanted to say. You are the best gf anyone could wish for. You're sweetest, charming, and most wonderful person I know, I feel like you care about everyone, even people you barely  know, like Steffi's bf... you told me you felt bad when you heard what your friends call him. So I can't imagine how much you care about me.

The Physics lab class... Its something I can remember fondly, first time I felt like I need you in my life. Obviously, I didn't take it seriously. It was probably just a feeling. But slowly it grew.. I don't know whether you noticed or not but I always tried to spend more time with you. But obviously you had to talk to me first..

You know, if you didn't say anything to me on that day and just let me recharge your phone.. We would probably just be friends. I was never expecting to have a gf and I also wasn't interested to get one either but you are different..

You are opposite of me, you talk, and are friends with almost everyone in the college.. You never stay in one place. Sometimes I wish I was like you. I guess that's why I love you so much.. opposite attracts, right? (smiley face)

Also if you do something stupid, I can understand why you did it. and obviously I am not gonna hate you for simple reasons like you were angry with me or because you texted Sudhesh, etc.

You understand how I feel and if I am sad you make my day better. I want you to feel comfortable around me and be free to say anything you want. If you have any worries, share it with me, like you just did, I dont want you to deal with it alone. Di, I am so lucky to have someone who loves me like you do. I hope I never lose you."

But I lost him, he lost me.....