Trigger warnings(tws): self-deprecating thoughts, abuse, suicidal thoughts, AND BAD AND CRINGY WRITING! thanks for reading, love you!
"You must learn to not disobey, Otto. You must repent." He grasps my hand and lifts my sleeves, lifting his ruler.
"Please!" I beg "I won't do it again!"
"No, Otto. We have to rid you of these nasty thoughts." He raises it back. "Please!" I cry. Smack
I scream. Fuck. Footsteps stomp up the stairs and my door bursts open.
"Otto! You okay?!" I just stare plainly at her. Why again? I thought I was safe..I hate this..I wipe the developing tears from my eyes.
"Are you okay, Otto?" She plops onto my bed
"I'm fine,Wren." I sigh and brush my bangs out of my face.
"Are you sure, Ots?" She places a hand on my shoulder, and just rests it there.
"Yes, just leave please." I pivot away from her hand and back against the wall.
"Okay," she stands up and starts walking away,"breakfast will be ready soon. And get ready, you have that meeting today. I love you Otto, if you need something please talk to me." She leaves and gently closes the door. I stare at my hands. It doesn't feel real. Maybe I don't feel real. Maybe I'm not real. I trudge out of bed. I rub my eyes and groan. I hate, literally everything. I pull a random jacket over my shoulders and stare at myself in the mirror. Why was I cursed to this? I yank a blanket from my bed and drape it over the mirror. I open my door and tiredly waddle down the stairs to the kitchen.
"Hi, good morning Otto." My sister's boyfriend greets me happily. How does a human get to be so happy, I wanna be that happy..
"Morning Jack.." I sit down at the counter and Jack slides me a bowl of cereal. I stare at the bowl. Loud clings echo into the room as he devours his breakfast. I take a few scoops of the plain gross cheerios before sliding it away. Wren walks in and sips on her mug of tea.
"You have that meeting at 10:00. I'll take you before I go to work and Jack will pick you up. We'll leave in about 10 minutes so get ready please." She takes the dishes and places them in the sink. I nod and walk back to my room. I wanna lay in a hole and die. I need to die for everyone to be happy. I need to repent. I stare at my hands. I slap myself. I dust the dirt from last night away from my jeans. I stare down at the floor and stop thinking. I don't wanna think anymore, I wanna stop everything. My door bursts open and Wren screams at me "I've been calling your name, come on let's go!!!"
I jump and snatch my headphones, leaving and running down the steps and to the car. I don't think I'm myself. I'm not here really here, I've barely returned to this world from hell. I don't need to die to be in hell, I will be my own hell because there is a devil in my body. My head hits the window as I relax my aching bones.
"Do you have your phone on you?" Wren asks as the pulls in front of the doors.
"Yeah." I gather my things and grab the handle.
"Okay, I love you. Please open up at least a little, text Jack once you're done. Bye."
"Bye, love you." I murmur and slam the door, trudging inside. Why do I have to exist? Theres a big sign in bold bright red letters that says "Support Group Here" with an arrow. What if I just left, then I won't have to hate myself for an hour. But I guess if I'm gonna be here and not there, I should be here all the way and not just floating above the people who exist around me. I shouldn't be half-here and half-not, at least that's what's good for the people around me, and I'm a people pleaser. I'm tired of hurting people around me by being gone, I wanna come back without bringing myself out of my shell. But, I know I need help. Everyone can tell I need help, and if I can do this for others, I can make it for myself I guess? I don't know what or who I am. But I can figure it out, right? Yeah, I hope. Just go, don't stand here like an idiot. I walk forward into the room and sit in a chair. The few people sitting there look up to see who is here to join their gang of people who don't know what to do with themself. I'm so uneasy.. I hate this, I hate myself and everyone that exists. I wanna run, but running into creates more problems and I hate being a problem. If I create problems, I have to suffer along with the others. And if others suffer, I hurt so much worse than I do. I look at everyone around me, some nervous and fidgeting, some chatting, some zoned out. If we didn't suffer through the same thing to be here, we share the fact that we aren't really in the world right now. I'm not really anywhere, like them. One part of me is in my head, the other is on a leash floating away in space, waiting for something to bring it back to its home. Which makes me its home, I guess. Thats so strange to think about for me because I don't feel at home anywhere. I don't feel anywhere when I am somewhere, I feel like I'm still there. I'm not here really, just some of my thoughts have half-returned to my brain which is here.
END OF CHAPTER A/N
word count: 969
Thank you for reading this chapter! This sorry should update whenever I wanna, except I'll try to for sure update on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I tried to also add all the trigger warnings, but if I missed any, I'm sorry! Please let me know and I will edit and add it to it! And if a trigger warning seems ridiculous, just let it me because I wanna make sure not to trigger anyone! Thank you for reading love you guys💕💕
-Cas
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Beautiful Things Overcoming
RomanceOtto Evans has finally left the source of his pain, religion. He's moved in with his sister in a new town after coming out in his old one. He joins a support group, and meets Kie Schon, another member with religious trauma. After one strange and sc...
