The Love We Deserve - Azriel x OC

Floating

It felt like floating. A weird sort of floating filled with pitch black. Floating through space for eternity. Maybe longer. But I didn't feel scared. Didn't feel anything. All I knew was darkness.

Darkness and pain.

Voices echoed around me, some I knew, some I didn't. My parents. The Night Court. Aiden. I could hear his laughter bubbling around me, coaxing me forward, towards this light that cut through the darkness.

That feeling in my chest, that pain. It dragged me back, floating turning into falling and in an instant, I was gasping, body hitting a cold floor as water gushed around me, all the sound coming back at once. It was loud, too loud and I clutched my ears in an attempt to drown it all back out. But my fingers shook, these ears, these pointed ears. They were not mine. No.

Azriel.

People talked around me, and I lifted my head in search of the Shadowsinger. The Queens stared at me in shock, and I hissed at them, enjoying the way they recoiled. But it was Nesta and Elaine that concerned me, their faces white with horror as they examined my soaked form sprawled across the floor.

My limbs felt so weak, and it was a struggle to lift myself to my elbows, looking to Azriel who reached for me, his eyes pleading. Come to me. He seemed to beg. And my chest burnt, practically melting me from the inside out.

"oh not so human now, are we" Hybern taunted and I steeled myself, forcing myself to my knees where hands grabbed me, dragging me in front of my king who smirked down at me.

"hmm fae suits you. Doesn't it feel good to kneel before your king?"

"You are no king of mine" I spat at his feet, relishing in the way the guard tightened his grip in my hair at my defiance. I'd kill them. All of them.

His eyes flared and I smirked slightly.

He spoke words but they didn't matter, wasn't important as I looked to my family, to the scene unfolding before us.

Everything burnt but I still struggled towards Elaine as they began to drag her towards the Cauldron, Nesta doing the same. And even with my newfound strength I couldn't seem to break free, water continuing to drip down my form as I was forced to watch them force her under, the same as I had been. But it was seconds before the Cauldron tipped and she was out.

It had felt like eternity inside.

She had come out almost glowing, her nightgown clinging to her like a second skin and the Spring fae with the golden eye, Lucien, as Fey had once told me, draped his coat around her in an act that was almost loving.

Feyre had sunk to the floor, Rhys holding her to him as she cried.

And then Nesta was up. Boy did she put up a fight, clawing and kicking until she was being pushed under, holding her finger up to the king, glare chilling my bones.

Something pulsed through me as I watched her go under, something white, and numbing. Swirling up into my chest to settle against the pain and I couldn't help the discomfort that made it's way onto my face, needing to claw at my chest but my arms were held behind me. I couldn't cry out, now here. Not in front of the king.

The pressure continued to build, and I gasped, squirming against the guards as my eyebrows scrunched, supressing the whimper that trembled through me.

Let it go

Rhys spoke into my mind and my eyes met violet, seeing them widen ever so slightly as he looked at me.

As soon as she's out, let it go. And be ready to run.

I could barely hear over the roaring in my ears, sealing my eyes shut as I concentrated to keep whatever was happening, inside me with gritted teeth.

Nesta fell from the cauldron, something about her screamed danger and we all felt it. I looked to Rhys as she bickered with Lucien over Elaine, and he nodded. Now.

I let it go, mouth opening in a scream, but I couldn't hear it. The whole place lit up in blinding white light and my body went slack with relief, the pressure leaving me. Chaos had broken out around us, the metal scent of magic was gone, along with the King, a crumbling wall with a hole left in his wake. Had I done that?

"Alex!" Rhys roared over the noise, and I barely registered breaking the guard's arm as I got to my feet after them. They had gone out the door into the open field and I glanced back at Tamlin and Lucien, just for a second our eyes met before they disappeared, and I focused on chasing after my family.

My legs were fast, faster than I'd ever run as I pushed past guards, no time to kill them.

Rhys had Elaine over his shoulder and Cassian was struggling with Nesta whilst he helped support Azriel with Mor.

"give her to me" I demanded, already helping her onto my back quickly before he could protest.

"Alex" Az breathed, eyes hazy and panic swelled in me, pushing them all ahead of us towards the cliff.

"I know, keep going" I didn't let him see my tears. Tears of desperation that had me praying to whatever higher power there was that they would make it out of this. Alive.

Nesta's weight was slack behind me and I realised she had passed out, the same with Elaine who's hair waved through the wind of it's own accord.

The pain in my chest kept me grounded, kept me going because I knew whatever happened if we stayed would be worse.

"there's too many of us to winnow" Rhys panted, looking between us all as we stood at the top of the hill, army running after us.

"how do you winnow" I asked and he looked to me, they all did "tell me how."

"Alex-" Feyre started, and I looked at her, really fucking looked at her. For perhaps the first time since we were kids, I let her see me as I was. The desperation, the fear, the pain.

"Think of where, and focus on it, really hard" she explained, tears building in her eyes and I nodded, closing my eyes as hands pressed to my skin.

I thought of the house of wind. Of the fourth glass of wine. The laughter. The fighting, teasing. Of the love inside. I thought of painted hallways and a library so big you could get lost in it. I thought of the candle lit nights where Azriel and I had met and talked under the stars for hours. I thought of the warmth. I thought of home.

I collapsed, the strain too much, and Nesta slipped from my back. But I felt the carpeted floor, eyes snapping open to see the living room.

I did it. I got them out.

Everything was fuzzy around me, words all blurring together as my vision swayed. I could see Feyre trying to push something at me but shook my head with a gasped breath.

"help him" I crawled towards where Az lay on the floor, blood oozing from his wound as his eyes fluttered. The pain in my chest almost a phantom ache now and I reached to push his hair out his eyes with a shaking hand.

"Alex" his voice was quiet, but through everything, I heard him.

"you're going to pass out"

"I'm tired" he mumbled, hazel eyes drooping lower as Feyre shoved her bleeding hand to his mouth.

"exhausted" I corrected. My own body fell slack next to his, my hand anchored against his heart as it beat slowly. Too slow. But I couldn't move, couldn't open my eyes as blood pooled on the floor around us. And he was warm, so warm. Thoughts drifted away as the haze took over my body.

Floating.

It felt like floating.