Leviticus: Return back home

Ch.31: "I lied."

《NICK'S POV》

A month and a half earlier, on the last night of their trip.

"Let's get you into bed, darling." Nick said to Riven, taking his hand.
The guy looked so tired, like he was half asleep already. Nick grinned, knowing that Riven always fell asleep after drinking too much. Not that it had happened often.

Nick carefully put Riven down. He wanted to leave, go to his own room, but Riven wouldn't let him, grabbing his hand tightly.
"Riven, seriously. I'm tired. Please let me go to sleep."

"Hmmm," Riven pulled Nick's hand, he was surprisingly strong for someone who was as wasted as Riven was.
Nick sighed and sat down, "What is it?"

Riven didn't answer, instead grabbing Nick's arm and pulling him even closer. His eyes were closed, as if he was about to fall asleep, and he had rosy cheeks that made him look insanely cute.

No. He couldn't think like that anymore. Riven was his friend, he was getting over him, over all of this. They were going to be just friends now.

"Riv, what's wrong?"
Suddenly Riven pulled Nick towards him, while sitting himself up a bit. He grabbed Nick's face with both of his hands and pressed his lips against Nick's.

Nick pushed him away. "Riven, stop it. You're drunk, you don't know what you're doing-"
"Nick..." Riven pulled Nick towards him and kissed him again.

Nick froze for a moment, not being able to grasp what was happening. Riven was kissing him. Riven, who had told him he didn't like him back. Riven, who was supposed to be honest, who always told him the truth, no matter how hurtful.

Because that was who Riven was.
Until he wasn't.
He pushed Riven away again, got up and walked out of the room.

He didn't remember how he got there, but suddenly he was in his own room. Alex looked up. "Hey, Nick."
Nick barely noticed him.
He walked to the bathroom, locking the door behind him.

Riven. No. Not Riven. This couldn't be happening. He started hyperventilating.
He suddenly felt like he was in the ice cold water again, like that time he nearly drowned while ice skating. But this time there was no light, no Felix, no way to get out.

He felt a weird, tight feeling in his throat, but he couldn't understand what it was.
Suddenly the realization dawned on him, and he sprinted towards the toilet.

He started throwing up, and it felt like he would never stop. He was sweating all over his body and his sight started to become blurry. Fuck. How was his stomach still not empty?

Black spots appeared in his vision and he felt like he was going to faint. Suddenly the vomiting stopped. His knees gave in and he slumped down on the floor. God. He hated himself.

He hated who he had become. Desperate for Riven to see him, to talk to him.
When it was clear what Riven thought of him. After all the effort Nick had done over the years to get closer to him, he still didn't deem Nick good enough for him.

Why else would he turn Nick down, when he was clearly into him as well?
After all this talk of wanting to be his friend, wanting him back in his life, it all being different now, Riven was lying to him.

And there was nothing Nick hated more than lies.

That was why, the next day on the bus, Nick put his bag on the chair next to him, so Riven couldn't sit there and put his earphones in to drown his and Matt's voices out. He really couldn't handle talking to him, especially after the conversation they had had that morning.