The Amazing Story of Betty's Life- Stoopid Stories #1

One Day...

I ate a...

SANDWICH!!!

And it tasted really bad! So I went and ordered some...

PIZZA!!!

But the delivery truck BROKE so I couldn't get my PIZZA!!!

I sat and waited. Then I went outside to wait and sat down in the middle of the...

STREET!!!

The garden gnomes were wild today. They threw cement rocks at me. And it hurt! So then I went to the...

LAMPOST!!!

The gnomes couldn't get me there because that was...

SAFTEY!!!! 

I began to throw bagels back at them. Most people don't know this but gnomes are ALLERGIC TO BAGELS!!! 

When the world-known Betty and Gnome war was finished I went to the backyard where I found...

A FLOCK OF FLYING SEA MONKEYS!!!

Terrible creatures they are. Always mocking and teasing you. Once they start, you can't get them to shut up. They started to fly towards me and I...

BEGAN TO PANIC!!!

There was no where to hide! Right before their mockery began I pulled out from behind my back my...

TRUSTY OLD LICORICE WHIP!!!

And I whipped the monkey in the face and he cried and called me some bad things and flew away. When I turned around there was a giant 

DODO BIRD STARING AT ME!!!

He was cute so I decided to take him home and I named it...

SIR SCRUFFALUFAGUS!!!

but then he ate my licorice whip! And I said...

OH NO!!! 

And I grabbed my cool...

FANNY PACK!!!

Which was made from the feathers of the rare DODO BIRD!!!

I took out my...

FRIED CHICKEN CLUB!!!

And swung at the dodo bird. That was when I discovered that...

THE EARTH IS ROUND!!! NOT FLAT!!!

Realizing this, my whole look on life had changed. Then I thought...

IF THE EARTH IS ROUND, THEN UP MUST BE DOWN AND DOWN IS UP. AND THAT I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO HAVE CAKE AND ENJOY IT TOO. AND THE ANSWER TO LIFE IS 7. THE ANSWER OF LIFE DIVIDED BY THE NUMBER OF BOOKS BETTER THAN THIS ONE EQUALS...

CUPCAKES^8!!! CUPCAKES^8 MULTIPLIED BY GOLDFISH THE SNACK THAT SMILES BACK , SUBTRACT THE GREEDY LUCKY CHARMS LEPRECHAUN WHO WON'T LET THE KIDS HAVE ANY OF HIS CEREAL ONLY MEANS ON THING... 

I HAVE TO MEET A TALKING PINK UNICORN ON A RAINBOW!!!

I used my magic... 

FLYING CHOCOLATE BAR!!!

To fly me to the nearest bus stop! And from there my adventure began... I kept myself entertained by counting the blades of grass I saw and chasing a dot around from...

A HOBO'S LAZER POINTER!!! He was nice. His name was Kill A. Foollikeyou. He let me play with his gun, until I shot the bus driver. Then he took it away. But its okay, he's still alive. He's moaning and twitching his arms and legs and stuff. When I got off I noticed that the sign said...

DEATH ROW!!!

I wanted to go to RAINBOW ROW ROAD!!! But Mr. Kill A. Foollikeyou drove the bus away and left the bus driver on the side of the road. At least I wasn't alone!

He was fat, so I got tired after five minutes of dragging him behind, so I left him for the...

CHESSHIRE CATS!!!

He'd die of old age sooner or later anyway. I'd used my skittles to find the rainbow because I was lost in the...

BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN!!!

Thankfully my SWEDISH FISH was there to save me. The british people guided me the rest of the way. The unicorn was very pretty and sparkly, and it turns out she was a guy. He told me all my dreams will come true, so I...

THREW A HAM AT HIM!!! And ran away as fast as I could. And I made my way home. It was starting to get dark and my stomach was very hungry. If only I had some food. I pulled out my...

CHEESE STICK!!! And teleported home. But the front door was...

LOCKED!!!

And when I turned around the pizza delivery guy was there! That was when I noticed that...

IT HAD BEEN 31 1/2 MINUTES SO THE PIZZA WAS FREE!!!

THE END.