The Monster Within - Book 1

Chapter 14

The next few days go by in a blur as I grieve for my nan. Visitor come and go but no one who I really want to talk to. The funeral was arranged very quickly. I guess not a lot of people die out here in this small town compared to the big city. I had to wait weeks to have everything prepared for my mum but 4 days after my nans death her funeral is here. Today.

I stand in my room in front of the floor length mirror and look at my washed out face, deciding make up would be pointless today. My eyes move down to the black dress I'm wearing as I wonder if nan would have liked it. I run my hands over the front pleats to smooth it out as I walk out of the room and down the stairs. I look at my small gold watch, hanging on my wrist. It's 2 O'clock. The service starts at 3 with a car coming to pick to up at half 2. I dread knowing the hearse will be outside for my car to follow. How will I be able to look at her coffin without breaking down? How are people supposed to cope with these things alone?

I don't even think I move for the next thirty minutes until someone knocks on the door.

'It's time.' I say to myself, biting the inside of my mouth to stop myself from crying. I open the door to the driver, giving him a weak smile. Then my eyes move to the person standing at the bottom of the stairs, who's standing next to someone else. My eyes shift over all the people standing outside my nans cabin. All the people who have come to say good bye to her. She must of touch so many peoples lives as I look across a sea of people I don't know, but who know me.

I walk down the steps towards the car as a grey haired man leans into me from his spot.

'I'm sorry for your lose Cassandra.' He says.

Then the next person.

'We're sorry about Ester. If there's anything you need Cassandra just ask.'

And the next.

'I'm so sorry, Cassandra. Ester was a wonderful woman.'

By the time I get to the car half a dozen or more people had already spoken to me. I will never know how I made it to the car without shedding a tear, but as soon as the car moves out of view from all the on lookers a torrent of tears streams down my face. And this was just the beginning.

When the car pulls up to the church I don't move. Where am I supposed to go? Should I wait here? I feel so lost, not knowing what to do with myself.
Then the car door opens and a hand presents itself to me. I take the hand that guides me out of the car into the cool Autumn air.

'Hi.' I say looking up to Justin.

He gives me a weak smile in response, before pulling me into a hug.

'I'm so sorry, Cas. I'm sorry about everything. I'm sorry I over reacted that day in the truck. I'm sorry I didn't answer the phone when Ester needed you. I'm sorry I haven't been around to see you after everything and I'm so sorry Esters gone.'

My shoulders start to shake up and down as I cry on Justin's shoulder, unable to control my emotions. It's been so hard to control myself these days and I put it down to the stress of caring for Ester and then her death. Hopefully after today things will start to get better?

'Come on, let's go inside.' Justin says as he guides me into the church where we take a seat in the very front row.

Soon after Nan is carried in. I can't watch as they carry the coffin in with my eyes staying focused on the front of the room as the pallbearers walk down the aisle. Justin pulls me close under his arm and holds me, comforting me as best as he can, but I can't help but feel that there is someone else I'd rather be here with.

After the service and the speeches from people the closest to her, we walk outside to her plot and watch as they lower her into the ground. It's hard to watch. I stand there for a long while after she's gone. Even after everyone has left I stay still, just staring at the ground where she disappeared. It isn't until Justin squeezes my hand, bringing my attention back to him.

'Are you ready?'

I nod my head without saying anything and turn to walk with him. As we walk hand in hand I feel a presence. Without looking around I know he's here. The mystery man from the lift. The mystery man from my dreams.
I drop Justin's hand as I scan my eyes across the large open green land, spotting him standing under a tree in the distance.

'Do you know him?' Justin asks, when he notices me staring.

'I have a feeling I do...' I reply to him.

'That's one of the Conri brothers, I think?'

'Apollo?' I say under my breath, looking at the man under the tree.

'So you do know his then?' Justin asks, not even realising he heard me.

'I guess... I mean we used to play together as children, but I haven't seen him since I left. Not really...'

'Well I heard that he's a bit of a loner now. He just keeps to himself. People haven't seen him in years. I wonder what's he's doing here.'

'Well losing most of your family will probably do that to you.' I retort with a bit a bite in my voice as I defend Apollo.

'I'm sorry, I didn't think.' He says as he steps closer to me, reaching his hand to mine.

I take a step back, feeling a little guilty. I know Justin is trying to comfort me, but all of a sudden touching him in any way feels wrong. I don't want him touching me, not even holding my hand.

'Sorry, I just... it's been a long day. I think I need to go home and just process.'

'What about the wake?'

'You go ahead, I won't be much company. I'll just get the driver to take me back. I'll see you another time?'

'Yeah, whatever you need Cas.' He replies, looking at the floor as he kicks a small stone by his foot.

I look back over to the tree Apollo's was standing under, feeling a pang of disappointment that he's gone. I know this wasn't a dream. Justin saw him too. He came. He was here, but why?

With a bit of hope, I thought I would see him again on my walk back to the car, but I don't. He's gone. I felt this unsettled feeling about not being able to see him or feel his presence. I don't know why it affected me so much. And I don't know why he just left either. 

When will I see him again? Maybe I'll dream of him tonight? At least one positive came of today. I know his name... Apollo