A prisoner of myself *A Taystee and Poussey fanfic*(OITNB)

Chapter 1: I know...

*Poussey's P.O.V* 

 "Like... All this pee hole business, like what the fuck don't I know? I've been living all these years and I haven't even looked at my own damn Vagaygay... What other surprises my body gonna spring on me?"

 "I mean, Have you looked at these feet? " I said, holding Tee's feet in the air. "...Like, I don't wanna scare you but, I'm not sure this one right here's a toe.."

 "Shut up."

 I laughed "Naww... It don't look right! It could be a pencil eraser or.. Or a piece of jerky? " 

 "Ohh leave my feet alone!" She said, moving her foot out of my hand. 

 I Giggled and threw my self on the bed, next too her.  "I'm all done anyway"

 I put the blue nail polish on the only table like space we had here in our cozy ass rooms, here at the one and only: Litchfield prison. Home of the happy and peaceful murderers, drug dealer's, robbers, and like... Other crazy fucked up people... Much like myself actually.

 As I smiled in great pride of my well done pedicure, I lifted my arms and shouted: " Check out my master piece!"

 "What? That's a hot ass mess!" Taystee said as she stared at my work

 "I'ts abstract yo!"

 "You're only supposed to paint the nail, not the skin. Fuck!"

 "Look, all innovators have their work criticized at first" I looked at her and smiled "..appreciation will come, I give you time."

 She rolled her eyes. "I already have time. Time, and and a shit pedicure!" she said, getting on her knees and tickling me in my lower abdomen, were I'm the most ticklish.

 "No! Stop! You're gonna mess it up!"Tee laughed and got on top of me. I could hardly breathe. 

"Stop! I ain't ticklish!" I said, trying to breathe but the air wouldn't come. "I can't breathe!"

 I kept laughing and as she lay back down I quickly turned my head, and as we were face to face, before she could add anything, I kissed her. Gently, softly, as I had been dreaming to do. 

 It took her a moment to back away.

 I smiled, but inside I was hurting.

 "Sorry P, we've been threw this.."

 "I know" 

"I'm not..."

"I know"

I looked away from her. I don't know what kind of fucked up thing I just did but.. I regretted it. She didn't love me the way I did.

She had that sorry look on her face. She felt bad. She only felt bad because she cared about me I guess... We just didn't feel the same for each other. I mean, I knew T wasn't gay so why the fuck did I try to kiss her? I'm so stupid.

I didn't want to start hitting my head like Suzanne did, So I just lay there in silence.

"...Maybe, we could cuddle for a minute?" she said, trying to sound like everything was okay.

"Yea.." I said, smiling so she wouldn't see my pain.

I turned on my side and she wrapped her arm around me.

I felt so good and so safe with her. My smile faded away and silent tears came rushing down my face and onto Tee's thin, uncomfortable prison pillow. I wanted her to love me the way I loved her... And it destroyed me to know that she didn't.