Trained | 18+

Chapter Sixteen

"You're awfully quiet this morning," Angel attempts to break the awkward silence that has been sitting between us the entire walk to training. I haven't spoken once since they came to collect me.

"I have nothing to say to you," I whisper back. I have spent the entire night fighting myself, going back and forth deciding what the right thing to do is. The conversation with Rowan yesterday followed by what I thought was Tanner seeking out Claudia left me emotional and desperate. I sought comfort in Evan when I should have just confronted Tanner. Angel knows this. Angel knew when they rushed to tell Tanner about what I had done, that he would have come to my room last night.

"I had to tell him," they shrug indifferently. The same indifference Tanner showed when he left my room after I finally submitted to him.

"I made a mistake, you didn't even give me the opportunity to explain myself," I scoff.

"Made a mistake? With which one?" A smirk hangs on the corner of their mouth. Usually Angel is tolerable but today they're pushing my limits.

"What am I supposed to do now, do you know the mess you have created for me?" I'm too defeated to even raise my voice. My words sound more like a plea for help than a scolding.

"You can't keep playing the victim Delia. Finish training and sign the contract, you know that's what you really want," they affirm. I don't know that. I know I enjoyed last night with Tanner, but this isn't healthy. The way I crave him isn't healthy. I should crave Evan.

"Everyone here seems to know me better than I know myself apparently. You all have your own idea of what is best for me." My heart rate spikes once we reach the room I am beginning to become so familiar with. I become nauseous at the thought of facing Evan after using him. The thought of facing Tanner after finally tasting him. The thought of facing them both and not knowing which I want to speak to first. In Tanner's absence, I maintained the idea that I didn't need him. That I only wanted to sign the contract to save myself from a worse fate if we couldn't escape. But after last night I know deep down that's not true. Part of me wants to sign that contract because I genuinely crave Tanner. He's a different man from the one who used to be my partner. I am finally beginning to see Tanner's true side, last night he was so vulnerable - he opened up to me. He used my body and I let him. The thought of another woman drove me crazy and I wanted him to use me instead. God you're sick Delia.

Maybe he's right, maybe training is changing me. Manipulating me to believe I need him. Training my body to crave him no matter how wrong I know this is. But every time I think of the way he took my throat so easily, the knot in my stomach tightens. How I had wanted to please him. How I begged to have him and became upset when he didn't finish in my mouth.

"You only ran to Evan last night because you were scared Tanner didn't want you anymore." Angels words pierce like a knife. I don't know how to respond, they're right. It was more than just needing his attention. I was undeniably jealous of Claudia and hurt he has picked her after promising to wait for me all these years.

Entering the room, the sight that enters my vision prompts a wave of relief to wash over me. I should feel guilty for thinking this way but instead I am grateful it's not me or Clara sitting infront of us. Koen sits obediently on his knees, his hands in his lap and a dark blindfold wrapped around his eyes. Despite his blindness he doesn't exhibit any signs of nervousness. Something tells me Cobain has made him do this before. Cobain stands behind him rubbing his hair gently, observing the group as we hurry in. It's rare we have demonstrations for Monday's training, let alone have Koen or Cobain present. I move to sit in the back row wanting to be as far away from all the executives as possible. My gaze is glued to the door, but as soon as Evan enters the training room my eyes dart away. I can't stand to look him in the eyes. He gently sits in the chair to my left. I half expected him to sit by Lottie and Clara, it's definitely what I deserve.