Love Alarm [Based On A True Story]

Not Worthy

The noises surrounding me had dimmed all too suddenly, becoming nothing but a distant blur, like I was under water. While I stood rooted to my spot, movement continued all around me, students clamored around with their friends, laughing and joking as they went by.

I can sense my friends at a distance too, murmuring to themselves but I have no idea what it was that they are saying. I don't want to know. Because I think I already know what it is.

Everything around me feels like a void, like I'm in a black hole, and yet I knew I was still present, still standing before the wall, because of the stupid ringing in my heart.

Yes, it's still ringing. Because the boy I love is just behind the wall.

Although he doesn't want to face me.

"Just wanted to let you know, Zack already has a girlfriend."

Ahh. That.

My clammy hands turn into fists as I grit my teeth, my jaw hurting from how hard I clench them. But it doesn't matter. Nothing hurt more than my heart at the moment.

With my eyes downcast, I will myself to nod, albeit reluctantly. I can feel my ears turning red, the heat pooling there as I avoid eye contact with Nathan, who I knew was watching me with all the malice in this world.

"Okay." I said, my voice void of any emotions before I turned around and began walking towards the stairs. And then, it broke out.

I could hear Nat's voice, telling something to her sister in the Philippines as they went back and forth. I could hear Claire's voice call out to me, but I didn't stop. My muscles feel like they haven't moved for ages, feeling heavy against my skin as I climb the stairs one by one. But despite that, I still continue, I walk, and I walk, until I reach the fourth-floor landing before walking to my class with no emotion on my face.

Once inside, I'm greeted by the sight of my classmates doing mundane things, all of them minding their own business, completely unaware of the girl standing in the doorway. And just like a robot, I walked to my seat and sat down.

And cried.

The tears that had been caged in the prison of my eyes finally gush out in heavy waves, uncontrollable like my emotions. I can't think straight, in fact I don't even know why I'm crying, all I know is that I must let it out.

There's a mix of emotions brewing inside me, so many unexplainable ones and yet most of them I can recognize. They are an array of feelings I didn't know I could feel until this moment, and as I cry my heart out like a wild animal, catching the attention of my classmates, I listed the feelings I felt one by one.

Heartbreak. For getting rejected.

Betrayal. That Nat knew.

Foolish. For believing in this.