In sweetness | Tayvis

06

Taylor was sitting across from Joe at the dinner table, she made the desicion to forgive him. The whole day her baby had been moving around and kicking her. The first time she felt the baby kick it was magical and perfect and she cried but this had been going on the whole day and it worried her, what if her little baby was scared?

Taylor felt a sudden emptiness at the thought, the thought of her baby feeling scared within her made her whole tense up and sent shivers down her spine. This baby was everything and more in her world.

"It tastes very well love." He said, his gaze focussed on the plate and Taylor noticed he barely ate anything. He smelled faintly of what Taylor would identify as well though he acted mostly sober, his movement and his speech it all seemed very controlled, even rehearsed if she would go that far.

"That's great, I have a doctors appointment tomorrow and if you get a COVID test before you can come with me?" Taylor suggests tentatively and Joe tensed up a little

"Love, I don't think this will be possible I'll have to call my mum." He said and Taylor found herself questioning that excuse. He just saw her after all but she wasn't gonna speak up on that, it finally seemed as if things were going uphill again and she wouldn't risk it

"I didn't even tell you what time it was." Taylor said a little disappointed but she want gonna force Joe to come if he clearly didn't want to. And maybe he really had to call his mom.

"Just leave it Taylor." He snapped and in Taylor's brain told her his behaviour wasn't right, he was this baby's father after all.

As Taylor was sitting in the examination room, she felt very lonely. Sure her for it's were nice and she had a lot of people supporting her, but this, sitting here all alone, it just felt weird.
She felt a certain coldness yet it wasn't brought by the sterile room but by the loneliness that had been her companion for the past couple of month.

However it felt more real now that she was sitting here, something inside her was screaming. She needed to let go of Joe but she loved him too much to let go.

"Good morning Taylor, how are we feeling today?" Her doctor asked, she was a woman in her mid forties, and Taylor was glad to have found her as they were on a first name basis and everything was just way more comfortable that way.

"Very good. Little one here is kicking like crazy. I hope they are alright." Taylor said, a hand on her belly and Chloe, her doctor smiled.
"I'm sure it is, let's take your weight first and check your vitals and then we can get to the fun part and do the ultrasound." Chloe smiled and Taylor nodded.

Taylor still struggled with the number on the scale sometimes. But what really helped was that she knew it was for the baby. And Taylor loved her baby. Her hands on her belly, as always, it was the most natural position for her. Now she couldn't imagine anything else. She wanted to be able to feel her baby close in some way, she wanted to protect them. Make sure that nothing was harming them.

"Everything seems alright, the morning sickness stopped right?" Chloe asked, typing at an exceptional speed and seemingly reading through her chart.

"Yes, it did." Taylor said, sitting down, her belly wasn't really big but it was still exhausting to stand for longer periods of time. Her feet were swollen, and it was October and she was almost in her eight month of pregnancy.

"Good, your due date is November 29th, have you made a birth plan? With Covid and everything it might be a bit more complicated and I want to make sure we have the plan set. You're gonna give birth here in Nashville right?" Chloe asked and Taylor nodded

"Yeah, I figured it would be the safest option. I would like to give birth in a hospital, I just want as many painkillers as you can legally give me." Taylor chuckled, a nervous laugh escaping her mouth and Chloe looked at her sympathetically. To say Taylor was nervous about giving birth was an understatement, not only that but she was going to have to do it alone because Joe wasn't allowed in until she was ready to push. Taylor did her research and since this was her first delivery it could take forever. The idea of spending countless hours, in excruciating pain, all alone, it terrified her.

"We will talk about that when the time comes. In the mean time I would suggest for you to pack your hospital bag. Just in case and also I've had to learn the hard way that it is a lot worse to do when you're 40 weeks pregnant." Chloe chuckled and Taylor smiled a little, she had no idea what to pack into a hospital bag. This was all getting so real. When she went into that hospital, she was gonna walk out, with a baby in her arms.

As Taylor rolled up her sweater so Chloe could start the ultrasound, Taylor felt lonely again. She wished Joe was next to her. She hated how she was going through it all alone. She once read that mothers feel love for the child once they are pregnant and fathers started feeling love when the child is born. She could only hope this was true because she loved this baby. And she wanted Joe to love this baby too.

Chloe quickly applied the ultrasound gel and Taylor shivered a little at the cold but quickly
stoped caring once she heard the actual heartbeat. The fast and loud heartbeat of her baby, echoing through the room. It was a sound that so far had never failed to bring tears to her eyes, she couldn't describes how much love she felt for this baby. The way a tiny person was forming inside her and one day this tiny person would be doing great thunderstorms .

Taylor always saw herself in the spotlight as a singer, but now, nothing more brought her more joy than thinking about all the great things her baby might achieve where she would gladly watch from the sidelines.

"So Taylor, would you like to know the gender today?" Chloe asked and Taylor sighed, she wanted Jo to be there. She really did, but somehow she had a feeling he wasn't gonna be at the next appointment anyway. She needed to know, she had sooo much to prepare, she even had to decide on a name.

"Yes please." Taylor sighed, a hint of sorrow in her voice but she knew she had to. It wasn't romantic anymore, this was a solely practical decision.

"So, it appears as if you're having a little girl." Chloe smiled and a huge grin spread across Taylor's face, that's all she ever wanted. A little girl. God she had so much to do. She had to buy cute little clothes and get stuffed animals that matched the theme of the nursery.

She was ecstatic.