Their Unrequited Love

Kabanata 49

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ZILLEX'S POV 

Dilat pa'rin ang mga mata ko habang nakatitig sa kisame ng kwarto. I couldn't stop thinking about what happened earlier. My heart was ripping apart thinking that she totally rejected me by throwing this necklace.

I lifted my hand where the necklace is. The lace is already broken. Naputol ‘yon, I don't know if she forcefully broke it or it was just accidentally broken.

I closed my eyes tightly and clenched my fist. The gift was a tangible expression of my love for her, and to see her treat it so carelessly hurt me deeply. I felt betrayed and rejected, as if my love was not valued or reciprocated. A lump formed in my throat, and tears welled up in my eyes as I clutched my chest, feeling the weight of her rejection bear down on me like a ton of bricks.

Naiisip ko palang ang kanyang itsura ng tinapon ‘yon ay parang sinasakal ang puso ko. Discarding the token of my affection like it meant nothing to her. The necklace that I got with so much care and thought, the one I hoped would remind her of me every time she wore it, now lay discarded on my hand, totally broken masking with my heart.

Inangat ko ang braso upang itakip sa aking mata kasabay ng pagliblis ng ilang patak ng luha sa aking mata. Hindi ko inakala na darating ang oras na ‘tong labis akong luluha dahil sa isang babae.

I didn't cry when my family didn't accept me from what I truly am.

I didn't cry when dad beat me up when he found out that I was gay.

I didn't cry when Mom denied me as her son in front of many people.

I didn't cry when people were disgusted by me.

Ngunit ang marinig ang masaklap niyang kapalaran, pagkawala ng memorya niya at ang pagtanggi niya sa akin ay parang paulit-ulit sinasaksak ang puso ko. Sa kanya ko lang lubos na na na ibuhos ang mga luhang matagal ng nakaimbak.

Suminghap ako at marahas na pinunasan ang mga luhang kumalat sa pisngi ko. My heart was pounding loudly in a painful manner. 

I know that I deserve this, being shattered by her. Sa lahat ng pananakit ko sa kanya ay wala pa ‘tong nararamdaman ko. Wala pa sa kalingkingan ng napinsala ko sa kanya.

And I will forever regret it. Paulit-ulit kong pagdudusahan at paulit-ulit kong pagsisisihan. 

Hindi ko alam kung anong oras na akong nakatulog sa dami ng tanong na bumabagabag sa isip ko kagabi. And I looked fucked up when I stare on myself at the mirror. Halata ang itim sa ilalim ng aking mata, bakas pa ang labis na pagluha sa aking mata.

Napahilamos ako ng mukha at bumuntong hininga. Isinandal ko ang sarili sa may pader habang mariin ang kuyom ng magkabilang kamay.

Sa muling pagmulat ng mata ko ay tumambad sa akin ang hubad kong katawan. In the past four years, hindi ako natigil sa pagtratrabaho at nilunod ang sarili para kalimutan ang lahat, ngunit tila hindi naman nangyari dahil nasa buong paligid ng katawan ko ang katunayang hindi man lang siya kahit kailan nawaglit sa akin isip.

My body was full of tattoos of her and our daughter. Except for the tattoo that snaked almost enveloping half of my arm and chest. The snake tattoo starts at the wrist, with the snake's tail coiling around it in a tight, intricate pattern. As it ascends the forearm, the coils loosen slightly, revealing detailed scales and subtle shading that give the snake a realistic, three-dimensional appearance. The snake's body curves elegantly around the elbow, then wraps around the bicep, with its head resting on the shoulder. From the shoulder, the snake's body extends across the upper chest, creating a dynamic, diagonal composition. The head of the snake is positioned near the collarbone, its mouth open slightly to reveal sharp fangs and a forked tongue, suggesting a poised, yet restrained, aggression. The eyes of the snake are depicted with vivid colors, making them stand out and giving the tattoo a piercing, lifelike gaze.