Broken Vessels (AMOG Series #1)

Kabanata 36

Kabanata 36

Alone

"What was that? Who's that girl?"

"Iyan na ba ang sinabi mo sa amin, Bethany? Ilang taon na rin ang lumipas?"

I stood there, frozen.

"One and a half years," I said without hesitation.

"Nakalipas na, Marge," said Zara.

A staff member approached us. He handed Zara her umbrella, and I immediately grabbed it so we could leave. But before that, Obed turned his head toward us. I didn't get to see his full reaction because I was already walking away.

I couldn't understand why I was hurting. Why am I crying?! It was a long time ago! I already have a boyfriend—Amare, my Amare!

Pero bakit ang sakit pa rin? Ang sakit makita siyang may iba. I know Katelyn and he are together, but seeing them again... it's painful. Para akong yumakap sa isang rosas na maraming tinik. I looked at his social media post. Doon ko nakita ang mga larawan niya kasama si Katelyn. I haven't checked his social feed since then.

Katelyn is a woman of God—an overachiever, student council president of the university, a nursing student, and most of all, a decent kind of woman. All of those are things I lack. I can see how happy Obed is. It's so evident in his posts. He always shares photos with Katelyn, with romantic captions.

I found myself crying in my bed. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. Ang alam ko lang, nasasaktan ako. Then questions started haunting me one by one:

Am I too rushed? Was it too early to confess my feelings to him? Was I overconfident, even though he wasn't ready at all? What if I had what Katelyn has? Would he have chosen me? Or maybe... maybe I never had a seat at his table. Because that place has always been reserved for someone else. For someone special and that someone was never me. These were the questions that stayed hidden before... but now they keep haunting me.

Naka-move on na ba talaga ako? Why am I acting this way? I'm happy with Amare! Wala namang kulang.

Pero noong nakita ko si Obed muli, after years of not seeing him, that's when I felt a hole in my heart. I took my journal and started writing down my feelings. Ayaw kong sabihin ito kay Amare. It would only hurt him.

Something I prayed for... but wasn't meant for.

I saw love in his eyes. But maybe that love wasn't meant for me. Maybe it was never that deep. I just held onto it like it was something special. It led me to bend my knees in church, crying and begging for the pain to stop. It felt unfair—yet somehow, I was still safe. Our hearts were pure. The feelings might have been mutual. But the timing was never right.

It was rushed. It was painful. It broke me down.

I thought the pain was gone. But when I saw him again, it came back from its grave. Maybe he only wanted friendship from the beginning, and I was just too overwhelmed by his kindness and sweetness.

Pagod na akong pumasok sa school. Our scores from the midterms came out, ang bilis lang ng panahon. I got a low score in one of my majors. Kaya siguro hindi ako pinili. Dahil kahit pagpasa lang sa exam, ang hirap na. I wasn't a perfect fit for him... Baka gano'n din kay Amare?

My phone beeped. Babad ako sa pag-aaral dahil may practical exam na naman kami. I need to ace it. I opened my phone to see what it was. Unang bumungad sa akin ang litrato ni Obed. Katelyn got another certificate, and his caption bothered me so much:

"I'm so lucky to have you, baby."

I remained calm—until my vision started to blur. Then my phone rang. It startled me. I answered—Amare was calling.