Visions of Fate

10. FIRST DAY JITTERS

I stared at the pale reflection from the full-length mirror in front of me and suddenly, my fitted black shirt became to tight. The ripped vixen skinny jeans fitted in all the wrong places, and the black and white Nikes I'd shoved on became too plain for my liking. God, and I'd thought I looked perfect.

My skin looked so pale inside the dark outfit, I was pretty sure I looked like a burrito stuffed in dressing clothes. I would be surprised if the students at school weren't blinded by my lifelong lack of tan. I mean, the girl from the school in my vision had such a perfect skin as with her other body parts, at least from my angle. So who could say I wouldn't get bullied at mere first glance? I mustered up enough courage to take another look at my general appearance.

I wore a black slim-fitted shirt that had 'I'm not late, I'm just fashionably delayed,' embroidered at the chest in slim, stylish cursives, with a vixen skinny jeans that had rips from the upper thigh to the knees. I paired it up with a pair of black and white Nike shoes that I'd thought would look great on the outfit. Now I just looked like a beggar from the streets silently crying for help.

I mean the outfit came off in all the wrong ways. The embroidered cursives on my chest stretched out too much around my normal sized boobs and the body hugging jeans paired with the body hugging t-shirt enhanced my tiny frame a little too much, making me look like a twelve year old that had hit puberty too early. I had decided to let my hair loose, using it as a curtain to shield my face away from the outside world. Looking at it for a second time, I bit back a grimace.

The hair itself was perfect, with a style that fitted my face impeccably. The only problem was, my white washed hair blended a little too well with my white washed skin, making me look like the gothic version of Frozen's very own Elsa.

I'd done some light make-up, to enhance my skin tone and beautify my appearance. So far, they weren't living up to any of their expectations. Well at least my slim, chapped lips now looked fuller and more moisturized now. My broad nose now stood a little taller and slimmer thanks to those highlighters and the blush were good enough to receive compliments.

Okay maybe they lived enough to some of their expectations, but that didn't mean I was satisfied with it. Because even I should know that appearance was the most important thing on the first day of school, I'd watched enough highschool movies to teach me that.

But what if the students at school didn't appreciate my looks? What if they teased me for being too short or too flat or too pale? What if nobody liked me and I remained a lone wolf for the rest of my life? Great, now I was beginning to think I should have worn more colour. Maybe it wasn't too late to change my outfit-

"Emily, are you ready yet?" My stomach flipped, turned and somersaulted at the sound of Mom's voice from downstairs. That was when reality, shock and anticipation really set in as my heart began to race at an unhealthy amount of speed. Suddenly I was out of breath, like I'd just run a marathon or something. I was pretty sure if that feeling persisted any longer, I'd be hyperventilating.

Acting without second thoughts, I bolted to my closet, throwing and digging through my clothes until I eventually settled on a light blue denim jacket I literally threw on, replying Mom with a, "I'll be right down," that came out too loud as a result of my nerves.

I didn't even have time to give myself one last glance as I scrambled my vanity  for my strawberry lipgloss. One thing I knew about Mom was that she hated being late for work, so I had to be as fast as possible. I quickly applied a second layer of lipgloss, tucking it in my jacket pocket just for emergency reasons. I tucked my phone in my back pocket and jogged down the stairs all so casually, a direct opposition to the major alarm going off in my head.

"Awn, there's my little girl," Mom's voice was filled with happy tears as I approached. As I drew nearer, I realized she wasn't in her work scrub. Instead she was stuffed into a deep yellow sundress with a black faux leather ankle boots. She had her blonde hair up in a high ponytail that cascaded down all over her tanned, slender figure.

She looked good. But not the familiar type of good.

"Oh, honey you look so beautiful."

"You too," I cooed as I returned her deep embrace when I reached her, all the while hoping she didn't feel the drumming of my heart beat, or how suddenly sweaty I had become. "Headed somewhere special?" I asked sheepishly when we pulled away.

"I have an official date with one of my bosses, honey," her tone was quipped and distant, as if the topic on its own bore her to sleep. "Something about our next client. How do you feel?" Her tone suddenly resonated as much enthusiasm as it did before.

"Uhm...a little nervous I guess," I fiddled with my charm bracelet underneath my jacket. And by 'a little nervous' I meant, 'every alarm inside me is going off and my entire brain cells are literally screaming for help am I even ready to go to school yet?'. But I'm sure she got the message.

"Oh honey, there's nothing to be nervous about," she gave me a side hug that was meant to be reassuring, but only made me want to cuddle myself beside her underneath my duvet, just like when I was a child. "It's just school, okay? Just behave yourself and you'll be fine."

"You don't get it, Mom," I mastered enough courage to peer back up at her. "I've never been to school before. I don't even know what it's like. I've never been so surrounded by kids like in the movies, so how am I supposed to blend naturally with them? What if they see me as some weird kid nobody wants to talk to? What if I turn out to be claustrophobic and am supposed to spend the rest of my life behind these walls? What if-"

"Emily," Mom interrupted my galavanting as she grabbed my arms and stared deep into my eyes. "You are one of the strongest, sweetest and most courageous person I know. Today isn't going to make you any less different. You have to see this as a way to prepare the world for you, seeing as you've spent your whole life preparing yourself for the world. If they don't like you - which I'm sure they will - then they don't know what they're missing out on. Be yourself honey. You're going to learn a bunch of new stuff today, but the most important thing is to stay true to yourself while adapting to them."

I stared into Mom's comforting eyes and felt a truckload of tension being lifted from my shoulders. I felt like I could breathe again. Like I wasn't walking through ice age again. Rather, I was walking through this beautiful, unpredictable road that had so many twists and curves that just kept me guessing. It was like that overshadowed the true nature of the road with obstacles I'd built from my own imagination.

But now, with only a few words, Mom had found a way to pop that bubble, making me see the true harmlessness of the path I was walking on.

"Okay Mom," I nodded my head in new found determination. "Let's go," I said, because I was ready. And yes, my heart still raced beneath my bones, my pulse still trembled beneath my skin, and my stomach still twisted in an unsettling knot. But I was assured that that was all part of the game. That it was natural to feel that way while experiencing something new.

But then I also discovered that I was ready for the world, I'd passed that stage so many years ago. But the question then is, was the world ready for me?