Undecided

9.

The sunlight spilling through the window stirred Alice awake. Samael was coiling a strand of her hair around his finger absentmindedly as he had grown fond of doing; he looked deep in thought. He had spent the whole night thinking of what could have caused him to fail retrieving this normal woman's soul. He would have been able to tell instantly if she were not human, but it was clear she was nothing but. He felt sick to the pit of his stomach; it was a feeling he hadn't felt in a long, long while. He was used to being in control.

Was he being mocked? Was this a game something, or someone, was trying to play with him?

Another possibility pulled at the edges of his mind, but he could not let himself entertain it if he wasn't absolutely sure it was true.

He shut it out instantaneously.

Samael wasn't opening those wounds any time soon unless it was completely necessary. Hope was something he had burned to the ground inside himself a long time ago. There are many destructive forces in this world, but hope is among the worst. A wolf in sheep's clothing. Most beings such as himself no longer allowed themselves to entertain such frivolous feelings. Letting yourself care for something was the biggest weakness one could have. He allowed it once, and he refused to amuse it again.

Last night's events flooding back into Alice's mind. The sunlight sprinkling on her skin made her feel as if she had just made it back to the earth's surface after crawling out of the Underworld. She was grateful to be out of that mindset. It all felt so real, and it lingered in her mind. How could you know what was truly real, and what was not, if reality is so subjective? Was 'in hell' really how she felt in her own mind or was there a kernel of truth to her experience?
"Good morning," Samael's low voice filled her ears.
Alice's heart swelled, "Good morning."
"Are you feeling any better?"
Alice nodded, "Yeah. I just have never experienced something like that while tripping before."
"Like what?" He asked, already knowing the answer.
"I probably sound crazy, but it felt as though I was dying. I could feel my soul leaving my body. It felt so incredible actually, but I knew it was death. It was tempting to give in, but I just couldn't." Alice decided to leave out the part where she saw Samael as a demon-like creature; she didn't want to make him feel bad, or like it was his fault.
"Maybe you experienced ego death?" He pondered.
She had heard of that term before in the psychedelic space, but she had never experienced it in all her time doing them. Perhaps he was right. Now that she thought about it, she remembered reading other people's experiences of it online. They always described how it felt just like actually dying, and how terrifying of an experience it can be, "That sounds likely. It was intense. I'm really sorry for yelling at you."
"Don't be sorry. I've experienced it before as well. I understand how horrifying it can be," He lied.

Failure to extract her soul meant he had to come up with a good cover up for what happened since, for whatever reason, he could not alter her memories. Technically, what she experienced was an ego death since she was indeed dying, so it worked perfectly as logical reasoning for her experience. It also worked in his favor that she denied seeing him for what he was. She brushed it off as just being the drugs.
She was a kind girl, too kind for her own good. She didn't ever want to possibly accuse someone of being up to something horrible without proper reason; she didn't want to see people like that. Maybe it was naive, but it was also a horrible way to live otherwise.
"Well, my love, I have to get going here soon. I have a work meeting today. Do you mind if I use your shower?" Samael asked. He needed to start figuring out what exactly was going on.
"Of course. I could use a shower too."
"We could shower together?" He gave her a mischievous smile.
"I would love that." Alice could feel her heart overtaking her mind already. She fought against her growing adoration for him; she didn't want to get attached because that meant opening herself up to being hurt. However, she had a feeling it was too late for that as she felt his bare body pressed against hers.
She scolded herself for ever thinking she was the type that could keep her feelings to herself and just have a simple, no-strings-attached hookup. It seemed so easy for other people.
Alice hoped he felt the same.
The two snuck their way into the bathroom, unclothed. The raven haired girl assumed her friends were still asleep since the apartment was quiet.

The warm water poured down on the two of them. Alice found a part of herself saddened that she was washing their intimate night away, but she hoped there would be more.
She tried to just be grateful for the time they shared, to be fully present instead of already mourning his absence.
He watched him lather shampoo in his hair, the bubbly water running down his beautiful body.
Gently, he turned her around and pulled her to him.
"Allow me." He stated before she felt his hands on her, gently massaging the rest of the shampoo he had in his hands into her hair. The scent of lavender was strong in the air as he massaged it through her scalp with a tenderness she had never felt before from anyone. Alice leaned into his touch unconsciously, a small hum escaping her lips. He let out a soft chuckle.

The two went through the motions of their shower. Samael assisted her, soaping her up and taking the chance to caress the curves of her soft, pale skin. His fingertips leaving a trail of vibration where he touched. He desired to possess her, and if he couldn't yet have her soul, then he would find another way to do so. Samael would bewitch her heart, and he knew he could with ease. This was a part he knew he could play well.

Alice wrapped herself in a towel, following Samael back to her room. She watched him slip his towel off from around his waist as he quickly dressed in his clothes from the night before. His midnight curls hung in damp ringlets around his face, and Alice didn't realize that she had stopped breathing while watching him until she had to find a way to catch her breath without him noticing. Of course, though, he noticed.

"Let me put my number in your phone?" He asked, "I would love a way to get in contact with you, so we can see each other again."

"Oh!" Alice scrambled for her phone, finding it tangled in the comforter of her bed. "Of course, here!" She unlocked her phone, and handed it to him.

He saved himself as a contact and leaned down to give her a kiss on the forehead as he placed it back in her hand. Samael made the arrangements for an Uber to pick him up, so he would appear human, and wished her farewell.

There was something deep in Alice's primal subconscious that sensed there was something abnormal about Samael, that he was dangerous, or maybe it was just that she couldn't shake how she saw him the night before, but her survival instincts must be broken because it only made her want him more. All she desired was to see him again. She hoped her curiosity wasn't the kind that got the cat killed.