Depressed

VRSE 1

.....This is the continuation of my life. Somewhere in my early 20s. That is if I make it that far. And if I don't, I'm pretty sure this is how it was crafted. I don't want to leave holes in my life. So I'm continuing from where I left off.

...So there I sat. Staring at the cold bottle of spirytus wine.   It was made up of 96% alcohol and the remaining 4% was how my life has become. Who added the wine glasses anyway? I'm drinking the whole liters tonight hoping I die in my sleep. Hoping to end this nightmare and maybe I'll be alright. Just to clear some doubt, I wasn't addicted to drinking. I only did that when life threw the bottles at me. At this point, I was at my lowest self. Wondering what was next for me.
I watched as the phone rang. The buzzing noise shook the table hard enough that it almost knocked my bottle off.  I decided not to answer. After all, there's nothing in life for me.
My heart was broken. I was in pain. My joy had left me. The love of my life. This wasn't the plan we had. You were supposed to bring me roses each Sunday on my grave. You weren't supposed to leave before me. The bitch broke her promise. We were supposed to travel the world together. Now all I have left is a picture of her staring blankly at me and a corpse waiting for me at my doorstep. Something was not right. But one thing was clear. I was scared to death. Now that she's gone I have nothing left.
After I few shots, I was able to feel high again. I grabbed my jacket and made my way out of the door.
As I stepped out, the falling snow and the misty fog led my path right where I needed to be.
Her body had become cold. I couldn't tell if it was from the weather or her heart. Nothing had changed though. Her black hair was still gleaming and her lips were bright as ever. Her face had turned pale and her smile had disappeared. The only thing I could do was give her a rose for her journey. It shouldn't take long to come and get me. I'll be waiting. Those were the thoughts that ran inside my head. Not the sounds of cries I heard around me.
On the brightest side of things, I think that she's amazing.
Now that she's taking the lead I guess I'll have to do the roses. Each night spreading it daily.
I once had a dream she left, I woke up in fright. So I banged my head on her coffin. Hoping I'd wake up in a bit.
If ghosts were real, then let it right out of my sleeve.
I took the picture of her box and I left the scene for them. They could have the body. All I needed was her heart. And luckily for me, I stole it before she passed. 
One thing my heart tells me is love was never the answer. I needed to find another addiction. I needed to wake up at 3 am each day and wonder how I'd be free of my predicament. But that was just the start. After my love died my world turned inside out. I didn't lose myself only but lost my ability to think straight. I landed a new friend. I had them in my bed each night hoping one of them would drag me to her. Then before I could take the last sip, the curtains blew away, and a figure stood right before me. she had a curvy shape and her dress was too light that I could see right through her. At first, I thought it was my love from death. But when her lips touched mine, I realized it wasn't her. I began to feel better after that night. ....