Obey Me ~ Lucifer X Reader ~ Luci Tales

Captain Cunt

The big shaggy hell hound loomed over me, I woke to its ominous stare and gross hot breath.

"Levi....I told you...GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME YOU DEVIL DOG!!" I screamed

The dog yawned and hightailed it back across the sand towards Levi. Heeling at his side.

"That's what I thought!" I snapped

"Wow Levi, that dogs almost as much of a simp as you are...I mean look at her standing on your feet, all warm and cosy" Satan snickered

Leviathan shot his brother a dangerous look

"Hmm...yeah, she is loyal, so loyal in fact...I wonder if...STICK HIM GIRL!!" Levi ordered, thrusting his arm towards the unfazed blonde

"Psht...please, you really thi-GAH!" Satan's smug expression fell, replaced with sudden fear as the black form was upon him.

The nortoriously snide cat lover fell with a thunk, hitting the hard sand and spluttering for help as Levi's loyal lady bound about his flailing body.

"Haaaa" Satan called, his voice muffled by long sweeping curtains of hair.

"See...not so fun is it" I remarked

Levi stood, arms crossed, in the sand, watching and waiting for a non existent apology from the demon of wrath.

But true to his name, Satan was up again, storming with a cherub face and furrowed brows towards his older brother.

"You little shit! Your gonna get it!" Satan rushed across the field of sand, hands brought to fists to pummel the purple from his brothers head.

"Guys look!"

Vivian suddenly emerged, her voice a sailors wet dream, deep and sultry...husky and so so hot.

"What is it?" I called back, mostly just taking the opportunity to stare at her very hard nipples through the sheer fabric of her shirt.

"I am no better than a man" I muttered

Satan and Levi stopped, mid slap on and turned to face Vivian

The raven haired sex goddess was pointing towards a large cruise ship.

A white pillar of hope, long and high and filled with tiny multicoloured dots.

Mostly men's polo shirts and woman's tennis skirts no doubt.

Music began to drift ever closer and soon the rambunctious sounds of party goers getting frisky began to lighten the islands previously aggressive mood.

"A party cruise! Nice!" Mammon chuffed.

"Food!" Beel moaned

The smell of bbq breakfasts wafted in from the sea as the ship drew ever near.

The coloured dots became clear, and they were in fact men in polo shirts and woman in skirts and bikini tops.

Music thumped and people jumped all about, cocktails in hand, hotdogs in others.

A small fat boy was chowing down on a full English breakfast, leaning against the side of the ship.

"I need to get on that ship!" Beel croaked

"We all do!" I gasped

Vivian called us over, instructing us to jump and wave our arms around like depraved circus monkeys.

And like depraved circus monkeys do, we jumped, we jumped and screamed and flailed about.

Levi's dog began barking chaotically, revelling in the commotion.

Satan used his fits as fans, trying to flag down the cruise ship

And Asmodeus walked over as casual as can be and lit a flare.

It's radient orange sparks popped and fizzed in the morning sky above

We all stopped. Our hands fell to our sides

"Asmo....what the fuck" I mouthed at him

"What....I couldn't exactly use it in the dead of night!" He argued

Viv gave him a pittying smile

Lucifers gaze widened and red hot rage danced in his eyes

"Thank me later" Asmo grinned

And we did.

The cruise captain saw the flare and parked the boat near the island.

Throwing down an anchor and sending two emergency boats across to aid us.

Once mammon was in I grabbed Sophie and flung her across open water like a Frisby towards Mammon's open arms.

Luckily she was no digaridoo and did not come back to me...ideal.

I clambered in after my boyfriend and waved Viv and Asmo over, the last two to board our boat.

The driver was a thick lady in her seventies, an elderly version of me.

She had bright pink lipstick on her shrivelled lips and obnoxious amounts of Ariana Grande perfume on.

Her ass was jammed into a pair of navy blue Jorts and her tots bounced around in an unnecessarily cropped shirt that read

"Sailors suck dick"

I nodded approvingly

Yes...indeed they do.

We crashed across mountainous waves towards the cruise ship and before long we were on board.

The second boat not so far behind, carrying Levi, the hell hound, Lucifer, Diavolo, Belphie and Satan, arrived and they too hoisted themselves onto the great white cruise ship.

No really, that's what it was called

A giant sticker stating "GREAT WHITE" plastered across the shiny side of the boat revealed as much.

That and the charming gaping jaws of a shark.

"Oh my god, I have never seen so many caucasians in one place"

"Neither have I, and I'm from Perth" I laughed

"What?" Lucifer questioned

But before long we were being ushered inside to talk to the captain of THE GREAT WHITE.

Beel scoffed down some English muffins on the way.

(Pause for me to remind myself of what part of the world we are supposed to have crashed in, I cannot remember, I am six jacks in)

"Where exactly are we?" Lucifer grumbled

Mammon had taken to looking after Sophie while I gambled on the slots machines.

The captain emergered, his beer gut hanging beyond a white crew top and tie.

The Burley fucker released a large groan and then gasped

"We are in the Indian Ocean"

Before inhaling again

"And this is the captain?" Satan raised a brow

The seventy year old crew lady nodded dismally.

"Okay but like...we are supposed to be banging out at a rager in Singapore rn so..."
Asmo chimed in

"Yeah, we are not doing that...we are sailing around here for no reason, just livin large-"
The captain began

"You got that right..." Lucifer judged

"Enjoying life...ya know...it's a good cruise...everyone here is" the captain trailed off....mumbling and muttering

"Heavily pregnant?" Satan retorted beneath his breathe.

Satan is fatphobic 🙄

"Okay fuck this let's just get into it" I stated, desperate for a fucking beer.

GET ON THE FUCKING BEEERS!!