Diary of An Awkward Teen

Crushing on Chaos

Dear Diary,

December 6, 2023 - the day my crush, Aarav, turned my world upside down with a single conversation!

After our law exam, the teacher handed back our answer sheets. I grabbed mine, excited to see my score. As I sat down, I spotted Aarav right in front of me! His hair was sticking up like he got into a fight with a hairdryer and lost. Seriously, it looked like he'd just rolled out of bed and didn't even bother to look in the mirror. And his attempt at growing a beard? Just a few sad whiskers here and there, making him look like a confused cat tryna figure out how facial hair works. It's both endearing and kinda hilarious.

Despite his messy appearance, there's something about Aarav that always makes me feel so nervous and flustered. One minute, I'm the confident top student; the next, he turns around, and I lose my cool entirely! It's like he's got some sort of magical power over my composure.

I was glancing at my answer sheet, feeling pretty good about my score, when Aarav suddenly turned around with his nasally voice and asked, "How much did you get?" I was so surprised to hear him speak since I thought he was mute all this time. His voice alone nearly made me panic! I barely managed to mumble, "Forty-four," while tryna hard to maintain eye contact and not look like a deer caught in headlights.

Pulling myself together, I asked him the same, "How much did you get?" He clearly stated his score, but I completely missed it 'cause I was too focused on the fact that he was actually speaking to me! The mute boy was talking! Can you believe it?

I tried my best to stay calm and act normal so Aarav wouldn't realize how nervous and worked up he was making me feel. After our brief chat, he turned back to his seat and started looking over his answer sheet. Meanwhile, I decided to work on some calculus limits to distract myself from the chaos he had just caused me. Except, how can one focus when your crush is right there, just being his generally adorable messy self?

Aarav is one of those guys who doesn't seem to care about normal social behaviors, and I find that incredibly charming. While everyone else is busy worrying about their appearance and tryna fit in, Aarav just does his own thing. It's like he's in his own little world, completely oblivious to the chaos around him. And that's part of what makes him so intriguing.

As I was tryna focus on my math problems, the teacher began calling out roll numbers to collect our answer sheets. He called out "41257" a couple of times, but in typical disaster fashion, I completely forgot that was my roll number! I blanked out until Aarav turned around again.

This quiet genius from the business stream tapped my desk gently and said, "Four-one-two-five-seven." I stared at him, bewildered, and blurted out, "Huh?" in a slow voice, still processing what he said. He didn't repeat it, but his calm demeanor made me realize he was right. I quickly checked my answer sheet and saw it - 41257. I couldn't believe it. How did this cute business whiz from a different academic area remember MY number before I even did?

I felt flustered, thinking, "Did I just leave a stupid impression?" I wanted to thank Aarav for the help. For snapping me out of my daze and reminding me of my own number. But another, very flustered part of me knew that would be a surefire way to let him know about my spiraling crush. So, I didn't say a word, just handed my answer sheet to the teacher while tryna ignore how warm my face felt. All I could think as I headed back to my seat was - does Aarav realize how brilliantly he scrambles my composure with his endearing awkwardness?

After handing in my sheet, I tried to go back to my math problems, but my mind kept drifting back to Aarav. His presence has this strange effect on me. It's like he's a walking tornado of chaos, and I'm hopelessly caught in his whirlwind. Might as well accept it, right? I'm head-over-heels for this kid. Every nasally mumble, every messy hair strand - he's rewriting my very core into beautiful fragments.

I can't help but replay our brief conversation over and over in my head. His voice, though nasally, had a certain charm to it. And the way he patiently stated my roll number, making sure I got it right, was oddly endearing. It's these little moments that make me fall for him even more.

After school, I met up with my friend and told her about what happened. Her reaction was priceless. "No Kayra, please don't! He will hit the jackpot if you'd be his! He looks so ridiculous, like someone who'd play Hanuman in Ramayana." I couldn't stop laughing. Her reaction was hilarious, but she doesn't get it. I choose him for his personality, not his looks.

Aarav might not fit the conventional definition of handsome, but there's something about his quirky charm that I find irresistible. He's like a charmingly messy experiment brought to life, and I'm the hopeless person, getting completely flustered by his chaotically delightful presence.

I remember the first time I noticed Aarav. It was during one of our joint optional subject classes. He was sitting quietly at the back, completely engrossed in his notes. His hair was just as wild then, and his uniform was slightly wrinkled, like he'd slept in it. But there was this air of quiet intelligence about him that caught my attention. He didn't speak much, but when he did, it was always something insightful.

I was immediately intrigued. Here was this boy who didn't seem to care about appearances or fitting in, yet he had this quiet confidence that was hard to ignore. Over time, I found myself looking forward to our joint classes, hoping to catch a glimpse of him or, on rare occasions, hear him speak.

Aarav is in the business stream, while I'm in engineering. Despite our different academic paths, we share the same optional subject. It's during these classes that I get to see him. He's always so focused, so dedicated to his studies. It's admirable. And even though we've only had a few brief conversations, those moments mean the world to me.

He's like a puzzle I can't quite figure out. On the surface, he seems aloof and detached, but there are these small glimpses of vulnerability that make me wanna know more about him. Like the way he fiddles with his pen when he's deep in thought, or how he sometimes gets lost in his own world during lectures. It's these little quirks that make him so fascinating.

I've been tryna find the courage to talk to him more, but every time I get close, I lose my nerve. What if he doesn't feel the same way? What if he thinks I'm just another girl who doesn't understand him? These thoughts keep holding me back.

But today was different. Today, we had a real conversation. It might have been brief, but it was a step forward. And even though I was a nervous wreck, it felt good to finally talk to him. To see him smile, even if it was just for a moment.

I can't stop thinking about the way he looked at me, the way his eyes seemed to light up when he spoke. It's these moments that make all the nervousness and anxiety worth it. Because in those brief interactions, I see a side of Aarav that no one else does. A side that's kind, patient, and incredibly endearing.

As I sit here writing this, I realize how much I've fallen for him. His quirks, his awkwardness, his quiet intelligence - everything about him draws me in. And even though I'm a flustered mess around him, I wouldn't have it any other way.

I guess I'm just hopelessly in love with a boy who doesn't even realize the impact he has on me. But that's okay. Because every nasally mumble, every messy hair strand, every moment of awkward silence is a reminder of why I fell for him in the first place.

Aarav might be a bit of a mess, but he's my mess. And I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world.