Summer and May

Chapter Sixty: Jeremy

Five days away from her felt like an eternity. Those one hundred-twenty five hours without her had me questioning my own judgement. I couldn't beg her for the truth; she needed to come to it herself. But had I known when I walked out that door I may never hear from her again, I would have changed everything.

Fishing on Sully's dock, wasting time with my cousins, catching up with Kayce, there was only so much distraction I could take. It was pathetic how worthless everything felt without her. The pained expression plastered on her face was all I could picture. Had I pushed her too hard, scared her away? None of this made any sense. I promised that I would give her time, but how much of it did she need? How many days needed to pass before she decided it would be easier to let me go?

I was confident in my decision to defer school for a semester and learn Sully's business here in Shimmer Lake. That was a choice I made for me. Yet the only thing that gave me confidence in that decision was May. Would I have to wander around this small town without her, avoiding her at stop lights, boycotting dinners at Dockside?

My first experience with that phenomena was last night, when I had to stroll into town to grab more tools to put the final touches on grandpa's dock. I tried to not look over at Dockside, knowing May was serving a busy dinner shift, but my eyes abandoned me. Her long braid resting against her back swayed as she hustled dishes, her face as focused as a surgeon. She smiled at her customers without letting it touch her eyes. If she was just as sullen as I was, why is she doing nothing about it?

Day six was a Saturday. I had dedicated the late-August weekend to adding a railing to the dock. It was the most effective distraction I'd tried as of late. But by day ten, there was nothing that could take my mind off of her. I had nearly convinced myself that I'd lost her when I began imagining her, showing up in my yard. She was wearing my favorite sundress. I blinked twice, turned off the electric saw, and removed my work gloves in a rush.

It was actually her, and she was actually here.

While my mind was begging me to run to her, I approached her slowly and skeptically. The look on her face mirrored mine, and yet I had no idea what she might say. Her chocolate eyes bounced to my chest as it heaved.

It was a long moment before I noticed an envelope in her hand. I was too busy staring at her, incredulous that she was just before me, and I couldn't touch her. Her face was make-up free as it often was, but her eyes were swollen. In the most selfish way possible, it was a small confirmation that she missed me like I missed her. Or maybe it was something else. I was completely in the dark, at her mercy.

"You said you would wait for me," she began. Her small voice rang in my ears. "which is already too much to ask. I let you go because I can't possibly ask more from you."

Her voice was ghostly, so detached from her typical candor. It brought a fear through my bones that I've never experienced. I lifted my chin, preparing myself for what she'd reveal next. But, she didn't. She only extended the envelope to me, and I took it hesitantly. I was shocked at how heavy it was.

"I don't want to see you open it." she swallowed, her neck muscles delicately bobbing. She tore her gaze from me and centered it on the lake, beaming from the mid-afternoon sun. "I don't have the strength to tell you, let alone watch you read that letter."

She floated towards me in an angelic way, setting every nerve of mine on fire. She kissed my cheek, her fingers brushing across my jaw.

"Read the letter, then take your time deciding what you really want." she sauntered away, her expression crumbling. It took everything in me not to catch her, to keep her from leaving me again. Instead, like a fool, I said nothing, watching her go. I was a coward for letting her leave, but I'd be acting against her wishes if I argued with her over this.