𝐄𝐮𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐲 ; 𝟏𝟑 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐖𝐡𝐲

~ 𝐚𝐜𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐞 <𝟑

𝐒𝐂𝐑𝐎𝐋𝐋 𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐍 𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐄𝐆𝐀𝐍 𝐓𝐀𝐏𝐄 𝐎𝐍𝐄 ⇩

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𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐲 ➤

"Hey it's Hannah, Hannah Baker."

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Life as everybody knew it had changed, nothing would ever go back to the way it was before, before Hannah, before the tapes, before everybody in Liberty High became the cause of a suicide.

Could people have changed the outcome of that day? Could people have convinced her to stay? Could somebody even be convinced once their minds were made up, once they were certain that it was the only way out?

The answers to every one of these questions will always remain unknown.

People can be horrible, especially teenagers. Sometimes people don't understand the enormity of the words they speak, most of the time people don't mean to hurt each other, it was never their intention, some other people know exactly what they're doing.
As I said people can be horrible, especially teenagers.

When you look back at all of the things people could have done differently you soon realise how many people let her down. Yes people have their own problems to deal with but what would it really take to just listen to somebody, to take a small amount of time out of your day to listen to somebody else's problems. Who knows what kind of difference that could make.

Suicide is never the answer, it may feel like a way out, a way to feel less pain but it leaves so many people behind, so many people who love and care about you wondering what they could have done differently, as I sit here writing in this stupid journal Mr.Porter gave me to "express my feelings" all I can think about is the small things I could have done differently.

Hannah and I were twins, she was born a couple of minutes before me and she never ever let me forget it. Twins?, are twins not supposed to know what the other is feeling, supposed to understand the other's thoughts without them telling you beforehand because that didn't happen with me and Hannah.

I tried to understand but she never let me in, I knew about the picture Justin sent around and I knew that she was finding it hard to fit in but every time I brought it up she'd shut me right back down again. When I came home that day, I remember the house being so quiet and a feeling, a feeling I hadn't had since Hannah fell of her bike one morning on the way to school when we were kids and I couldn't find her for the whole day until my dad came to pick me up and told me what had happened, I knew something was wrong that day because that feeling had resurfaced again.

I got into an argument with my mom that morning so I was rushing up the stairs to my bedroom hoping she wasn't home, I was waiting to get into my room to call Hannah's cell phone to make sure she was okay when I remember I heard the sound of running water and soon that was all I could see when I reached the bathroom door and when I opened that door I knew then that my feeling were right.

Hannah wasn't okay, Hannah was never okay and she'd never be okay again.

I'm sitting on Hannah's bed right now, her room is exactly how she left it but only now it feels tainted. When she died it was as if she took the color from it, I don't even know if that makes any sense, everything just feels different now. We used to share everything, our rooms, our clothes, our time, I needed more time.
I̶f̶ s̶h̶e̶'̶d̶ h̶a̶v̶e̶ j̶u̶s̶t̶ l̶e̶t̶ m̶e̶ h̶e̶l̶p̶ h̶e̶r̶.

It's been nearly a month since that day and nothing and everything has changed all at once. I'm angry a lot of the time mostly because I feel like she owed me, owed my mom and dad a reason, a reason why she did what she did, even a small note would have been enough. Anger then slowly turns to a deep sense of sadness, to think of how she must have felt in them last few months, days, in the bathtub, how alone she must have felt and soon after that feeling slowly fades away all I feel is guilt.

This wasn't as helpful as Mr.Porter said it would be. Tony's coming to pick me up he said something about showing me some tapes, at least it'll get me away from this house for a little while because sometimes I swear I can hear her voice in the walls.

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"Don't adjust your whatever device you're hearing this on... it's me, live and in stereo, no return engagements, no on-chore and this time absolutely no requests. Get a snack settle in because I'm about to tell you the story of my life... more specifically why my life ended and if you're listening to this tape you're one of the reasons why. I'm not saying which tape brings you into the story but fear not if you receive this lovely little box your name will pop up, I promise. The rules here are pretty simple, rule number one, you listen, number two, you pass it on. Hopefully neither one will be easy. It's not supposed to be easy or I would've emailed you an MP3. When you're done listening to all thirteen sides because there are thirteen sides to every story, rewind the tapes, put them back in the box and pass them onto the next person."

𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐲 𝐓𝐨 𝐌𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝 ➤

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