Mr. Nobody

I couldn't have done what they'd accused me of. It simply wasn't possible. At least, it shouldn't be. You see, the thing is that I simply woke up one day and went downstairs to have breakfast with my wife and family. Well, the kids acted spooked when they saw me. Their eyes grew large, and they both – the boy and the girl – went and hid behind their mother. She put her arms out as if to guard them and started shouting nonsense.

"Get out."

"Hey, what's the matter with you?"

"I'll call the police if you don't get out right now. Sam. Sam!"

She called out my name while looking up at the ceiling, as if I weren't already standing right in front of her.

"Very funny. Now, are you going to stop acting foolish and get me my breakfast, or do I have to get it myself?"

Her eyes grew wide, and she licked her lips in that way she does when she gets nervous. I shrugged, walked over to the fridge, and opened it. Just as I was reaching for the milk, I heard a loud crack. There were spots in my vision. My head felt split wide open and I grabbed it as I turned. Darla stood there with a rolling pin in her hand.

"Tommy, take your sister upstairs and get your father. Run."

She didn't take her eyes off me as my boy grabbed his sister by the arm and ran from the room. I heard their feet stomping up the stairs in a frantic rush; the sound of little Molly's voice as she cried out for me.

"Daddy, hurry. There's a man in the kitchen."

"Mommy, he isn't here," Tommy yelled.

"Listen you. I don't know who you are or what you've done with my husband but stay back. You take one step, I'll clobber you again," she said, holding the rolling pin out like a sword, then yelled out, "Tommy, call the police. You and Molly stay up there. Tell them a man broke into the house and is still downstairs with your mother."

"Darla. What the hell? I'm right here. What's the matter with you?"

"I don't know how you learned my name, mister, but you better unlearn it. Quick. I'll give you one chance more. Get the hell out of my house."

I threw my hands up. Whatever was going on, I wanted no part of it. Something might have happened to Darla while she slept. The kids too. I headed for the door, thinking that maybe if I left they'd come to their senses.

Outside, I headed for the car. I placed my hand in my pocket for the keys. No dice. I looked back at the house. Darla stood at the living room window, one child clinging to her on each side. I shrugged and walked down the street. There was a small drugstore and diner at the corner. I could get my breakfast there while I tried to work the whole thing out.

+++

"Hey Mr., what can I get for you?" Joe greeted as I sat at my spot along the counter.

The lunch rush was my usual time to come in, so I didn't know what they had for breakfast. I looked over the menu but couldn't concentrate. I had that feeling people get when their being watched. Sure enough, looking up, I found Joe staring at me funny.

"Have I seen you before somewhere, fella?"

"Come on, Joe. That ain't funny. Darla just gave me the same routine."

"Seeing as how you know my name, I'll take that as a yes."

My hand tremored. Sitting there in the cool air, Joe's eyes on me, my mouth went dry. His brows furrowed and he did that thing like those guys in the films, where they put their hand to their chin and run their thumb along the stubble.