Personal Thoughts

11.6.2024 - Thinking about love I'll never get

Everyday, literally every single day, I think about this man. You know Yū Nishinoya from Haikyuu? That's him. Since I saw him in the Anime I have an unspokenly huge crush on him. And a short time ago when I did some random quiz on quotev about what my Haikyuu soulemate was and I read the answer to Noya, there was also ab oneshot given to your result. I read it and I had moments when I jumped out of excitement or joy (because it was like you x the character) and you do not know how well it was written. Like. I literally took pictures of it. I could show you of course. But maybe another time would be better because this topic will definitely come up again.

Sometimes I just look out of the window and think of the Story having some landscape parts of my garden and other stuff. All the activities done in that one oneshot and many more (I read on Wattpad of course), I brought them all into my storyboard for my daydreaming thoughts. Sometimes they're so messed up but who cares. Even my dreams begin to male no sense or are overwhelmed by my feelings.
I had that one dream some days ago where Oikawa (also from Haikyuu) saved me from some other volleyball dudes that wanted to hit on my in some kind of library where I brought a tourist group that played table tennis with me on the way (this was some random because it was mixed up with Haikyuu and some school stuff I did in sports class at that time). Oikawa kind of boxed them away or something (idk) and then jumped on me like he wanted to hug me you know (you may know what I mean. Similar to how Mario in SM Odessey does wider jumps as he drags his hands and legs forward) and then he tried to cuddle with me ▪︎//O//▪︎ like what the heck. And I- I hugged back. So, to understand me right, I think that Oikawa is a smash/pass because I do think that he's hot and also has cute expressions and stuff BUT in general I do not really like his personality (SORRY OIKAWA FANS! Please no hate <:C). But after the dream I was like
"What the heck just happened? \:D"
Buttt I then had to go through my mind and get my opinion back becausssee my feelings and likes are pretty accurate to my thoughts when inventing stories in my mind and I am a huge overthinker, so I try my best to relax and think it through so that I get a conclusion and don't mess anything up (or can't think straight out of confusion lol).
At the end I came back to Nishinoya-san/-senpai/-kun/... (whatever you want to call him ^^).

Anyways.. back to the topic! Todays songs will be Hype Boy from NewJeans to first express how I feel about him everytime I think about him and Cupid by FiftyFifty because I'm feeling lonely with no boyfriend beside or near me (c:).

And as an Anime fan I of course have an addiction of 2D men. That's why I sometimes get mental breakdowns because I know that I'll never get that man.. T~T.
I sometimes even think about getting a kind of like Portal at a specific grade to teleport to any universe, doesn't matter if Anime or something completely different and when you go inside it your real life time will be stopped in order to not miss anything or beeing sus in any way. And you'll of course have some rules or things that you can change in that universe, for example: time limit (so you do not stay there forever), can not get pregnant (because yeah you know why >v>), can get any ability if you're still at least a bit weaker as the strongest in the universe (to not just rule over the world), you can be friends with any character and it won't change anything in the real anime/series/..., you can choose in what timeline you'll be spawned into and lastly you are not able to die in there with your real life beeing taken away. Does it sound good to you? I'm still waiting for my portal dear school ^u^.

I also sometimes think about suicide. But who doesn't? I'm happy for one of my friends who doesn't have a trauma or yet. My mental breakdowns are coming more and more often. I just want a true and perfect love in my life. Someone who understands me, supports me, loves me as much as I love them, looks good (ofc u♡u) and just so my life feels complete. I of course love my family and try to achieve my goals for the future to earn a lot of money, having a family with a lovely husband and children (and pets would also be nice! :D) and just beeing comfortable in life with nothing to worry, traveling around the world, experiencing a lot and more. But right now in show I do not see a SINGLE person that wakes my interest other than my old crush that I see more often since a few days (idk why bro) and my I have no idea if I have a crush on them crush that walked together with a girl last week and then didn't appear in the bus where he usually is the day <:[ . But I think I shouldn't make much out of it cause just looked at me like one time, so yeahhh.
Then I think I'll rather stick to my fictional 2D Anime men <3♡