Hidden Flames [The Ludovicas: Second Generation Book Three]

Author's Note: The Main Reason

Okay, so this turned out to be longer than I expected, so only read this if you have the patience to:

I don't know how to start this, more like I don't know how to explain my reason to everyone.

To my Muslim readers, it might be easier for you to understand my reason as compared to the others. Also, even if my reason seems absurd to you or you think that's so stupid or anything like that, please don't voice it out, okay?

I won't hear a word against my religion. It's okay if things don't make sense to you but just be kind.

So, I was born a Muslim but I never really tried to know Islam. A lot of things didn't make sense to me, I didn't even pray, my family members did but not me even though they constantly told me too.

But I slowly got into praying, I slowly started to learn more about Islam and the more I learnt, the more things started to make sense.

I wanted to be a better Muslim.

I don't do hijab but I dress modestly but InshaAllah one day, I will do proper hijab.

Coming back to the reason, so, I knew there were some mixed opinions on writing Romance. At that time I didn't really pay attention to it.

Later on, I started to write mature content in my books and I knew it was wrong. Maybe Romance at some level was okay but mature content is unacceptable.

My family didn't know about my writing. But then a few years back, I got an offer from another site that on posting my books there, I would get a certain amount of money.

I was happy and I did it. I got around five hundred dollars which is quite a big some in Indian rupees.

The process through which I got the money was kinda difficult because I didn't want my family to know so I convinced my cousin and blah blah blah.

At that time I didn't have a bank account so I got the money transferred to my second brother's account, he had some idea about it but when the money came, he told me that I couldn't keep it a secret. It was a big amount and I had to tell it to my mother at least.

I gathered the courage and told my mom and she was genuinely happy and proud.

A day or so later, she came to me and asked me about the genre of the books saying that if it has some Romance then that money would be haram. For the non Muslims, it means that the money would be like black money in Islamic terms.

A lot of things happened (no one scolded me or anything) but in the end, that money was deemed haram and I gave it to the people who needed it through my mother.

After that whenever my mother asked about my writing, I told her I had stopped but it wasn't the case.

Now my eldest brother is the most responsible one among us and quite religious too so I had earlier told my mother to not tell him anything because I didn't have the courage to explain anything to him.

But of course my mother didn't listen and she 'secretly' told him. At that time, he didn't say anything to me, pretending like he didn't know.

But I guess it was around the end of 2023 when I was talking to him on call and he was like I need to talk to you about something important and I knew what it was.

He asked me about my writing and he was like be honest with me (he spoke very gently), tell me do you know that what you are writing is wrong?

So I told him yes I am aware and he was actually relieved that I knew it was wrong, being aware of your sins is a good thing.

Moving on, he asked me if I had stopped, was in the process of stopping or was just writing.

I am very bad at lying so I ended up saying that yes, I am in the process of stopping.

He then told me that he is not asking me to stop writing but simply change my genre.

Then knowing my nature, he added, "Now don't be rebellious and stubborn and stop writing completely. I am just asking you to change the genre."

I didn't say much to him but deep down I knew if I stop writing Romance, I won't be writing something else either.

Writing is my passion, I never wanted to stop this but I want to be better. This is not about what my brother said, he just played a part in this.

In December 2019, I told my friend a rough plot of my first ever story and she was like "that's good, why don't you write it down?"

I told her it's Romance and there's no lovestory without some kissing and I am too shy to write about it.

But then I told her about this "app" that I recently discovered where you could write.

Her encouragement was the only thing that made me consider writing on Wattpad which I did by posting my first ever book here in February, 2020.

Four years later, I couldn't be more grateful for the number of wonderful readers I got from around the world and some good friends that I made.

"If you give up something you love for the sake of Allah, He replaces it with something much better." (Not the exact words) This motivates me a lot and I have a firm belief that I would be getting something so much better very soon.

My books will remain here, I am not taking them down. Also, I will definitely make an announcement here whenever I will get married, hopefully soon.

Thank you so much to everyone who has loved and supported my books. I am extremely grateful for everyone.

This is so emotional for me to pen down. I have spent the last few days crying over it before sleeping. I tried not to think about this moment but this is it.

I love you all! Please take care and I hope you all remain happy, healthy and safe and of course, get a husband who feels like a man written by a woman.

Thank you so much for everything.

~Ahlam