Daydreaming and off with the pixies again is the world I live in. It's always been known as " the safe space " from since I can remember, the only coping mechanism that I knew until one day.
That fateful day in high school, I met the two most craziest girls I know, and we became one tight-knit bunch and still are til this very day. They were two of the only people who understood me and what was going on in the mess I called a mind as I had no clue to who I was or where I belonged, so I masked who I truly was to fit in but those two saw straight through it and what they saw wasn't a good sight at all.
From as young as I can remember, childhood is supposed to be fun and full of life, but that wasn't the case for me. Most of my life has been like walking through hell and back several times. The abuse, the trauma, the constant fear, and crying to sleep are major downfalls for someone who doesn't understand the world at such an age but, its what happens when you have a parent who is a constant drinker. They say they'd change, they say they'd do better, and you believe that what they say is the truth in the end, and once you made up your mind and believed those lies it's a hard place to get out of as you're already tangled up in their web of lies and half truths.
I've never and will never be enough to certain people as they will always choose others over me. I mean, why would you do that to someone you say you care about and love. One person I cared about the most turned their back on me when I needed them most, after everything I'd done for them and even after saying that if I ever needed any help to ask them, nut when I did I got nothing and got pushed away as if I were nothing important.
You say you love me, and you say that you care about your family, but you don't, actually. You only want us around if you can get something out of us, or you just want us around to make yourself feel better for abandoning us, then you go ahead and let some random stranger who has never met me tell me that I can't be part of your life when I didn't come visit you when I was there. Well, guess what? I'm allowed to put myself first sometimes, and I'm allowed to be a normal young adult for one in my life, I would always drop everything to be there for you and to help you, hell I even would plan a visit with you but guess what always happened, you were never there cause some one else was always more important than me.
You hurt me and you hurt me bad so I did what I never wanted to do and I cut you out of my life because you had a choice let me be part of your life like we wanted or let someone else dictate it. You chose to ignore me and push me away because I chose myself for once in my life.
You led me along and astray for so long down the wrong path to the point I hurt myself, to the point I broke. But in the end, I never really mattered, did I, so I gave up all together. Sorry not sorry.
I'M SUPPOSE TO BE YOUR FAMILY
FAMILY IS EVERYTHING
YOU MAKE PROMISES THEN YOU BREAK THEM
YOU CHOSE SOME STRANGER OVER YOUR OWN FAMILY
YOU LET SOMEONE ELSE DICTATE WHO CAN OR CAN'T TALK TO YOU
WHAT KIND OF PERSON LETS SOME ONE ELSE WHO ISN'T YOUR BLOOD TELL YOUR OWN KIN, YOUR OWN BLOOD THAT THEY CAN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU.
THEY DON'T KNOW ME, THEY DON'T KNOW WHO I AM AND THEY HAD NO RIGHT TELLING ME OF I CAN OR CAN'T BE APART OF MY FAMILYS LIFE, BUT YOU STILL LET THEM
THE WORDS YOU UTTERED WERE LIKE A KNIFE BEING PLUNGED INTO MY CHEST
WHERE WAS YOUR HONOUR, WHERE WAS YOUR LOYALTY AND WHERE THE BLOODY HELL WAS YOUR SUPPOSED LOVE.
