Escaping Discorded Beats

BEAT: 5

Gray suddenly ended the photoshoot earlier than the scheduled time kaya medyo nagulantang ako. Mukha tuliro na siya kanina nung tinatapos na namin at mukhang hindi na nakatiis kaya 'okay na raw, pwede na kaming umuwi.'

"Sis, anong ginawa mo kay Gray?" malokong tanong ni Issa habang nagpapalit ako ng damit. Siniko naman siya ni Kiana kaya agad na nagsalita ulit ito, "Joke lang! Shet."

Pero totoo naman, ako ang dahilan kung ba't siya nawala sa mood.

It was evident in his eyes earlier, after I sang. To make the story short, sinabi ko sa kanya bago kami maghiwalay ay ayoko nang kumanta and that... I don't like his music anymore.

Nagsimula siyang magsulat nung naging determinado kaming magpatuloy sa larangan na 'yon. Inisip pa naming gumawa ng banda dati dahil sa totoo lang, Gray writes beautiful songs. Gustong-gusto kong kantahin lahat ng sinulat niya noon, kahit nga ngayon ay alam ko pa rin yung iba.

I thought it was the only way to push him away from me.

I bit my lip when that exact memory played back. Parang unti-unting naglalaho ang mga boses nila Jane at hindi ko na sila marinig. Mas malakas ang pagkabog ng dibdib ko.

He was just in front of me, and we're sitting in our favorite spot in the coffee shop we loved. Busy siyang magsulat at pinaglalaruan ang hawak niyang lapis. Minsan ay mapapakamot sa ulo niya kapag hindi agad siya makapag-isip. And if that happens, I'll always help.

But that day, I didn't. Instead, I looked at him with dead eyes while telling him na ayaw ko nang kumanta.

"Beh?" Niyugyog ni Issa ang balikat ko so I came back to reality. Agad akong lumingon sa kanilang tatlo na parang nagtatakang nakatingin sa'kin.

"Anong meron?" I asked, habang pabalik-balik ang tingin sa kanila. Kanina pa kaya nila ako kinakausap?

"Wala, tulaley ka kasi. Akala lang namin..." Kiana quickly nudged her friend kaya hindi na nito naituloy ang sinasabi.

I smiled at them after not knowing what to respond. I think, gusto ko nalang din umuwi at humiga. I feel like a battery that just got drained. It was a mix of everything actually. Hindi ko sinabi kung anong naging dahilan ko noon pero ngayon, I acted impulsively.

Nakalimutan ko kung ano ang dapat na ginagawa ko. And it was never about music.

I did that dahil nagkita kami ni Gray. Right, as much as I don't want to imply on him, music is always our thing.

Napapikit ako at huminga ng malalim. He needs to know my reason—Gray deserves to know the truth. And being forgiven for it is the last thing I expect from him.

Nagmamadali akong lumabas ng silid at hindi na nagpaalam kila Jane. As I opened the door, tinignan ko agad ang paligid para hanapin siya but all I saw were the staff tidying up the set. Though I spotted his friends on the same couch they were sitting. Unang nakapansin sa'kin ay Gin nang naglalakad ako, at si Adrian naman ay nililinis lang ang kalat nila.

"Kakaalis lang niya," Gin immediately said when I got near them. Umangat ang ulo ni Adrian at tumigil saglit sa ginagawa nang marinig ang kaibigan. He just nodded at me before minding his business.

"Thanks." Magsasalita pa sana ako nang tumango si Gin sa'kin pero napatikom nalang ng bibig. We had eye contact, and I don't know what to feel. Parang may gusto ring sabihin ang mga mata niya, pero hindi ko maintindihan.

Medyo lakad-takbo ang ginawa ko paglabas ng set. I went to the elevator and anxiously pressed on the button. Maghagdan na ba ako? Bakit ang bagal naman nito? Nang bumukas naman ito ay agad kong pinindot ang ground floor.