Star And Mr. Moon - [When Silence Speaks Louder]

CHAPTER 37 - Just A Little More

Sometimes I wondered if I was truly okay with this...

Am I... really fine being like this?

____________________

Chawarin POV

Sometimes I wondered what exactly Zee thought of me... There's a time I'll stare at my ceiling in the middle of the night as I can't fall asleep, thinking about what would happen soon after I became a human...

Sometimes I feel scared... scared of this mission if it fails...or to the life that awaits for me after the mission succeeds. And there's a time where I was thinking... about the possibility of me and Zee ending up together in this world.

And my tears will fall without fail every time I realize that it would be impossible... Every time I look up at the night sky...it hits me every time knowing that I was no one but a star...that just brings misfortune to the world...

Sometimes I think of it inside of my head...if I knew these things would have turned out to be like this from the start... would I ever take the risk of being descended to earth again?

And soon this feeling that blooms inside my heart just grows stronger. Day by day, it just keeps growing stronger everyday. And when I promised myself that I would kill these unnecessary feelings for Zee...I guessed I lied...

When I said I didn't love him, it would be a lie...When I said I didn't hope for Zee to love me one day, it would be a lie...If I said I didn't look forward to the day where we can spend the rest of our life together...that would be a lie...

Even though I know it would be impossible to happen...yet I am still looking forward to the day that would never come...The day where there would be only me inside your heart...the day when I looked into your eyes...and there would be only me that I see reflecting there.

Can I ever escape from this feeling of mine for you?

To be honest...I think I forgot the point why I wished to be descended on earth in the first place...that day when I looked and heard the wishes of the little grieving boy...I thought I was just feeling sorry for him... I thought I was doing that out of pity to him.

Did I mistook the feeling of mine to him back then? I know that I shouldn't fall for him from the start...and I know that I just wanted to help him to be happy again. But then I started to question myself...why did I want to grant his wishes in the first place? Did it really just be because I feel sorry for him?

And now that I realize I was actually falling deeply in love with him...did it really mean, I mistook my feelings of love as pitying him back then?

But then again... what's the point of this feeling of mine anyway...it doesn't matter how much I love Zee as the point of me being descended here is just to grant Zee wishes, and make sure he is comfortable, safe and alive. If loving him was a threat to Zee's life, then I'll make sure that he will never know how I actually love him with all my heart and all my life.

As long as Zee is happy, I would be happy too... isn't that what I always say? I would be happy...if he was happy... even though he was not being happy with me.

But don't you think it was a bit unfair?

I know that I was a star and probably not an actual human being...but right now I am in a human form. Looking just like a real human, walking just like a real human, despite that I cannot talk properly, all that I did was just like a normal person...

And I also have a feeling...a feeling just like an exact human...

And it would be a total nonsense if I said I didn't feel hurt. Every time Zee mentioned Lia, saying that his relationship with Lia is getting better...it would be a lie if I said I didn't feel jealous...but it also would be a lie if I said I didn't feel happy for him as you know, it also means that the mission will succeed soon and Zee life wouldn't be in a threatening zone anymore.