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Veeransh's intense gaze pierced through me, his eyes burning with a toxic mix of guilt and anger.
From the moment he arrived, he made it his mission to blame me, and I couldn't fault him for it. The circumstances were so fragile, easily shattered by the weight of my actions.
But what truly surprised me was Rika's sudden outburst. I never anticipated her standing up for me, especially not in this situation. Deep down, I knew that it was my fault, every bit of the chaos that unfolded.
As Veeransh stormed out with his wife, leaving a trail of broken trust in their wake, I retreated to my study, seeking solace in the silence. Yet, my family's concerned glances followed me, reflecting the pain and uncertainty in their eyes.
All I wanted was to be by Rika's side, to comfort her during her tears. But I couldn't bring myself to do it.
Her tears, like shards of glass, pierced directly into my aching heart.
The pain and regret consumed me, leaving me trapped in a web of guilt and torment.
Where have we come?
I don't want to speak to Rika, I don't want us to discuss that painful day, I don't want our conversation to turn into a fight and at the end she will blame me..
“Even after today do you think she can blame you?” My subconscious mind asked me.
She fought for me infront of her brother. The brother whom she loves so much.
It's a conflicting mix of guilt and satisfaction that engulfs me. On one hand, I kept my distance from, Veterans because of the guilt, but that man is clueless about anything.
However, there's a sadistic joy in seeing her fight for me against her own beloved brother. The wretched part of me knows that she loves me more than anything else.
Yet, that same despicable part of me lacks the courage to have a conversation with her. The fear inside me consumes me; I long to hold her, to express the pain I feel whenever I think about... our baby.
It's been four painful weeks, but the pain remains raw.
Self-doubt, self-hatred, and self-destruction are my constant companions, tormenting me every single moment.
I am trapped in a vicious cycle of longing and self-loathing, unable to break free from the prison I have created for myself.
But I feel satisfied whenever I feel pain. It must sound creepy, but that's what I am feeling right now.
The ultrasound frame reveals our child, causing my heart to flutter, only to be engulfed by a cloud of pain soon after. Our child is gone.
I ponder what my child would have called me when he was born - Dadda, dad, or papa. It was a boy.
