Silenced | Bridgerton fanfiction

love

Mayfair is unusually calm. Lying on the grass, I listen to Colin's calming breathing and savor this moment of intimacy. He looks happy when we're together, and that makes me happy in return. Ever since I declared my intention to get married officialy, I can feel the anxiety eating away at him. I know it's my fault.

The Colin Bridgerton, confessed his feelings to me, a widow, a woman everyone avoid because she already has a child, less than a week ago. And if I were to reciprocate, if I were to open my heart to him, he promised to marry me and assume my child. I sometimes wonder, a little playfully, what it would be like to be Colin's beloved. There are five other men - men I see face to face, to whom I whisper sweet nothings. Five rivals for the young man at my side. There's another problem: if I bind myself to Colin, then I will make him the father of my child, and I don't yet know what that actually means.

And, third problem, there's Penelope.

Penelope is no longer my girlfriend in the strictest sense of the word — we broke up just before people found out I was coming back into society after months of grief — but the day she appeared at that ball, all the memories I'd been trying to erase caught up with me. I challenge anyone to draw a line under their first true love.

Colin doesn't know what's tormenting me : he just knows that I'm trying to get over a heartbreak and is giving me all the time I need to move on. He also reserves himself the right to find a soulmate among the rest of society, in case my feelings don't match his.

Lying beside me on the blanket, in the peaceful quietness of the garden of my son's proprierty, he turns to me. I snuggle into his arms.

— Do you know when I last looked up at the stars? he asks.

— No idea.

— It's been a while... but I'd noticed that if you look closely at the stars, you can see that they take on different colors.

— If I understand correctly, the last time you gazed at the stars, it was to study them? Not for pleasure.

— Pleasure? Where do you expect me to find pleasure in this society ? Not to mention my poor results in my travels. I have to face the facts: I'll never really be able to break free.

— Tell me about the things you're good at. You can't fail at everything.

I put a hand on his arm. Encouraged by this contact, he massages my shoulder.

— Are you really interested?

— Yes, because I still don't know you very well. And you seem very unconfident. I'd like you to see yourself as I see you.

— I'm far from perfect, unlike you.

— Not so far away.

Our two bodies are charged with electricity. Colin protests with a shake of his head and a small smile.

— All right, let's see... a lot of people say I'm good at writing. For that, yes, I'm good. And I think I dance pretty well. In fact, I spend most of my time at ball so dancing is a must.

— Most of your time ?

— I don't have anything else to do.

— And... that's all? Can't you think of something else you're good at?

— I recently discovered something strange.

— Tell me.

— As it happens, I'm also totally incapable of doing without you, Adelia. This is a very serious problem of the highest order.