01 | stupid gets you killed

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It could've been the end.

The way it felt, it almost was.

You watch as the red of the Ferrari and the green of the Aston Martin come close, inches apart, with Stroll nearly putting it in the back of your boyfriend's car. Everyone around you gasps and for a split second, you see them touch and Charles's car fly off into the grandstands - but that doesn't happen. They don't touch. Charles drives away unscathed, though you know that won't be the end of it.

"That was too close," says Arthur, shaking his head at the screen.

"He won't like this too much," you say and grab a pair of headphones lying around, listening in.

Everything is okay with the car, Bryan Bozzi says.

That was not okay! Charles screams. Who does he think he is?! Driving like an idiot... He should know better!

Keep your head calm, you've got forty laps to go.

You take off the headphones and tell Arthur what you just overheard. He shakes his head again, but you both know there's nothing the two of you can do about it. Charles has been under pressure, ready to burst at any given moment, running second in the championship with maybe-maybe-a chance at something more. Anything that threatens it... Well, it throws him off.

You're just waiting for the moment it happens.

The race keeps running, you listen in to the radio every so often, and his complaints and agitation are getting more obvious. He's driving riskier, not caring enough about tyre management, and there's a few moments when his car gets a little too close to another car.

He finishes in fourth. It's not where he wanted to be but it's better than out of the race, you tell yourself. There was a few moments where you held your breath, waiting to see if the anger is going to slip into careless mistakes, and it made you angry. Your boyfriend is better than this.

When he finishes the race, you run straight into his arms. "You did so well! I'm proud of you."

"I could've done better," he says.

"I know," you say, and kiss him again. "Next time."

Charles kisses you, too, before going to speak to others in the garage, keeping one eye on you at all times. You know he's being hard on himself, but you see his clenched jaw, sunken shoulders, and you know this is going to be a tougher one than usual.

He's in your orbit the most of the evening, glancing at you even when he's in the media pen. You can hear some of the questions he's being asked and a lot of them are about the incident and about his dangerous driving he nearly got a penalty for, and you can already hear the regret in his voice. He looks at you every time it comes up, as if he already knows how much it upset you.

At your side, Arthur gives you a nudge. "Are you going to talk some sense into him when you're back at the hotel?"

"Maybe. I haven't decided yet."

"That was scary."

You nod. "Too scary. I get the pressure and all, but..."

"Yeah," Arthur says, "I don't want to feel like I might lose my brother because he's being angry and stupid."

When you get home, you get dinner - he does the perfunctory celebrations and goes back to the hotel, where you're waiting with him with your guys' favourite takeaway. He had some time to hang out with the other drivers and now it's time to hang out with you... But not before you give him a piece of mind.

He knows something's wrong the moment he enters the hotel room.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No," you say.

He frowns. "Okay. You sure?"

You give him a long look.

Charles sits down next to you, looking exhausted but ready to devour the food - but he doesn't. Instead, he sits with his elbows on his knees, hands held together. "It's the race."

"Mhm."

"That's why you're giving me attitude."

"Mhm."

"Is it because of the Stroll incident?"

You shake your head. He should know better and he does, it will just take him a moment.

He sighs and leans into the couch, a defeated look on his face. "I should've handled it better, right?"

"Yeah." You put a hand on his thigh. "Driving like that, Charles... You could've gotten hurt."

"I would've been fine."

"You don't know that!"

"Babe-"

"Don't babe me," you say, shaking your head. "You got angry and.... Anger makes you stupid. Stupid gets you killed."

Charles opens his mouth and closes it, knowing fair well that there's nothing he could say in his defence that would make you change your mind. He sees it all on your face, you know it - the terror you'd gone through waiting to see if his anger will make him slip up, make a mistake; the threat of losing him.

He takes your hand in his and kisses the back of it, before placing it on his chest, right where his heart is. "Y/N," he says, gently. "You're right. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let my anger get the best of me."

"I just... I don't want you to get hurt."

"I know."

"It frightens me."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"I just-The thought of you-"

"I know. C'mere."

Charles gives your hand a gentle tug and then your head is on his chest and his arms are wrapped around you, keeping you warm and safe. "I'm sorry for scaring you. My job is scary, but I shouldn't make it any more difficult than it already is."

He kisses the top of your head and you feel a few tears escaping down your cheeks, and he holds you even tighter.

"I'll be less angry next time, I promise," he whispers. "Less stupid. For you. Okay?"

You nod instead of answering, and he pulls your chin up with a gentle finger, and then he's wiping your tears and kissing you gently, promising over and over again to never make you feel like that again - and he doesn't.

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a/n: thanks for reading! hopefully this will be updated pretty frequently, but for faster updates you can follow me on tumblr (leclerity).

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