1) Have fun!
2) Please don't use the oven, it's broken.
3) Please leave a bowl of milk at the attic entrance before 8:00 every night.
4) Don't go in the attic (apart from what was listed above).
5) Don't go in the basement (and don't move the bookcase in front of its door).
6) Don't leave anything heavy on the dining table. Its old and fragile.
7) Keep the windows closed at all times, especially at sunrise.
8) Don't trust Frank.
9) Be nice to the neighbours. Except Frank.
10) You can sleep in my room if you like.
11) Don't go through the drawers in my desk please.
12) Don't touch the gun in my room unless it gets mad.
13) Don't jump on the bed.
14) Have fun!
15) Don't move past roughly 2:15 in the morning until 6:00.
16) Mow the lawn every Wednesday.
17) Don't open the closet in the guest room.
18) Don't leave any valuables out of sight.
19) Don't touch the flowers in the back garden please.
20) Clean the spider webs from the porch every morning.
21) If you are sleeping in the guest room, make sure to play rock, paper, scissors with the mirror every time you wake up. If you lose, go back to sleep for at least 15 more minutes. If you win, you may stay awake. If you draw, you may stay awake, but for the rest of the day, follow the rules in the appendix.
22) Do not talk to yourself in the bathroom.
23) Feed the fish every morning.
24) Have fun!
25) Make sure to leave a pile of salt on the front and back porch every night.
26) Don't invite guests in.
27) Women's emergency products are in the top drawer in the bathroom.
28) The couch is full of moths, so don't sit on it.
29) Don't leave anything sweet exposed.
30) Have fun!
31) Ignore the figures in the forest.
32) Don't go in the forest.
33) Vacuum twice a week or so.
34) The toilet on the ground floor is broken.
35) Don't read my books please.
36) Use the cologne on the top shelf in the bathroom AT ALL TIMES
37) Feed the snake every week.
38) The kettle in the kitchen cupboard is broken.
39) THAT IS NOT MY DOG LEAVE IT ALONE DON'T TOUCH IT DON'T GO NEAR IT DON'T LOOK AT IT DON'T MOVE DON'T BREATHE DON'T SHOW FEAR IT CAN SMELL FEAR
40) You might have to use the toaster twice to toast bread.
41) Have fun!
Appendix: Only follow these rules under the conditions outlined in rule 21:
A) Feed the fish the food in the second drawer.
B) Mow the lawn that day, even if it isn't Wednesday.
C) Don't sleep in the guest room.
D) Clean the storage cupboard.
E) Have fun!
F) Don't go outside.
G) Don't follow rule 3 that night.
H) Brush the toilet.
I) You may use the oven.
J) Ignore rules 1, 14, 24, 30, 41, E and L.
K) Dust my room please.
L) Have fun!
M) PET THE DOG AS SOON AS YOU SEE IT.
N) Don't tell the man sitting on the couch that it's full of moths, that the TV isn't on, or that he is made of moths.
O) Don't have fun!
P) Don't have fun!
Q) Don't have fun!
R) Don't have fun!
S) PLEASE DON'T HAVE FUN.
YOU ARE READING
Housesitting Rules
Short StoryThank you for looking after my house while I'm gone. I'd just ask you follow these rules, and make sure you have fun!
