A Penny For Your Thoughts

March 2011

"No! I am not going! I do not want to go and you can't make me!" I shouted, as I climb the stairs to my bedroom and slam the door behind me. It probably was not the best move I have made since I can now hear my mother climbing the stairs that lead to my bedroom. "Yes, you are going. This has been planned for a long while. We are all going and that is final. So you better put on that dress before I make you." My mother says, as she exists my room. I really do not want her to come back, there would just be more yelling and then my dad would just get involved, which would just make everything worse like it always does. My dad can't really communicate in the way you would think a proper adult would be able too, he just shouts and shouts at you, rather than talking to you.

I roll off my bed and decide to get changed, I would be forced to go either way so there's not much point delaying it and besides I hate being late. I would always prefer to be half an hour early than five minutes late.

However, today is a day where I would prefer to be in bed not doing anything at all. Maybe a little tv and probably a lot of junk food, which would make me feel worse about myself than I already do. Today is a day, where, where... I can't breath. Everything is a little tighter than normal, my chest, my clothes, my attention span and especially my fuse. I snap back at anybody who talks to me. I always feel so bad afterwards, which in turn makes my mood even worse.

Some days I can not comprehend why I feel the way I do. I have a family, food, clothes, a roof over my head, an education etc. I have a normal life and yet I am depressed. I hate myself. Now, some of you may be thinking hate is a very strong word, and you are right, I tend to use dislike instead, but in this instance I use hate. Because it is true. On occasion, I do well and truly hate myself. I have never felt so lonely and yet I have people all around me.

Anyways, enough of this depressing little side track, I better be getting ready. I not even sure what I am suppose to wear, probably a dress, yes. All I know is that we are going to have dinner with some of mum and dad's old friends who they haven't seen in a while. They have one son, Jared, Lucy and Danielle, my sisters, will have no problem making conversation with him. Me, on the other, I put some headphones and my phone into my handbag so that I won't have to.

I finally decide on a dress, and do all the girly shit that we do before going out, before going downstairs to find that everyone else is in the car already. "How long is the journey?" I ask. "Umm about an hour I would think, if traffic is okay." My dad replies. Thus, I plug in my head phones and close my eyes as we set off to, a probably very boring evening ahead of us, while my parents start off the bickering and fighting for the night.

I get woken by my younger sister Lucy to find that we have arrived. I must have dosed off, because we are definitely not in London anymore. The house, is huge, it looks like 4 times the size of the one I live in. Its beautiful. As we start to walk up to the entrance I realize that there are quite a lot of other people here as well, and that in actual fact we are attending a party. Just another thing that my parents fail to mention to me. As we enter into the house we are greeted by Jenny and Mike, my parents old friends and the hosts of the party, and the usual pleasantries are exchanged.

They look like one of those couples who just fit together physically, both are stunning, man I hope they turn out to be posh-snubs, so that it would be easier to dislike them. I let my eyes wonder around the room, as I do I am glad that I have brought my book with me, because there is no one here who I would be able to talk too.

"Samantha, aren't you going to say hello?" My mum asks.

I was too distracted looking around to notice that someone else had joined us. As I turn my head to greet this person, I can hear Lucy whispering and giggling to Danielle about how she can not believe who she just met.

"Hi I'm Jared."

"Nice to meet you" I reply, having no idea who this person is. I kept on staring at him, trying to place where I had seen him from.

"Sammy stop staring at him, its freaky." Lucy whispers to me, as she leads me away from the group.

"Lu, who is he? I swear I have seen him before." I ask her.

"That's because you have Sam, he's Jared Asher, the number 1 top male selling artist of the year and a total hottie."

So, I just meet and huge star and didn't even know it, to be completely honest, I still have no idea who he is really. I've heard about him, but I don't know any of his music. Gosh, could this evening get any worse?

I do not want to be here, all night Lucy will just be trying to impress him and take photos for Instagram to show off to her friends. Thus, I go find a seat and start reading book. Hopefully I should be able to finish it tonight if I don't get distracted.

"Hey, what you reading?"

But, of course I spoke to soon.