Soldier's Broken Love

11.

Soldier's Broken Love

Nicki Minaj - Save Me

It had taken Amanda an hour to finally come out of the bathroom, her hair was washed and cleaned from the sick, and her teeth were brushed and smelt fresh after vomiting.

Troy waited patiently in their bedroom, and he felt relieved once he heard the bathroom door unlock and Amanda walked into their room shortly after.

''Do you want to go to the doctors and find out for sure?'' Troy asked, after a few seconds of silence.

Amanda nodded her head, her towel dropped to the floor as she searched for knickers and something comfortable to wear. ''Tomorrow though.''

Troy's eyes couldn't help but wonder over Amanda's perfect body, he loved every freckle, every mole, every birthmark that was on her body.

He just wanted to kiss every part of her body, he couldn't wait to kiss the baby bump that was going to grow.

Troy smiled to himself, he was going to be a dad.

His smile died once his thoughts went to how the baby was conceived.

Troy could never take back that night, but he would do anything just to restart that whole day. No woman deserves any of the feelings that Amanda felt that day.

He wanted to claw at his skin and rip his hair out for doing such a thing.

Even though Amanda had forgiven him, he couldn't even dare to forgive himself.

*

''If you could roll up your shirt to your ribs, and lay down Amanda.'' The doctor gestured towards the long chair that was leant back.

Amanda nodded her head as she layed down, she pulled her shirt up towards the beginning of her bra, and waited patiently but deep down she was dying to know if she was pregnant or not.

The machine that was used to check if Amanda was pregnant turned on, and the doctor rubbed the jelly on her belly.

It was minutes later, the machine was ready, it was just Amanda's word for it to begin. ''I'm ready.'' Amanda nodded her, Troy gently wrapped their fingers together as he sat close to her.

Without him realising, Troy's grip on her hand tightened as the doctor began, he pulled the screen that showed inside Amanda's stomach towards them.

They couldn't see anything.

The doctor cleared his throat nervously, and in pity he tried again. He pressed hard onto her stomach, and moved the machine around. But there was no heartbeat.

''I'm sorry. It was a false alarm.'' The doctor lowered his head as he gave a sad smile towards the couple, ''I'll give you a minute.'' The doctor left the room, and it was filled with a saddening silence.

Amanda pulled her hand away from Troy, ''I want to go home.'' She said, pain in her voice as she wiped away the jelly on her palm and let her t-shirt roll down by itself as she sat up.

''Maybe it's too early to tell.'' Troy replied, hope was in his voice as he looked at his wife who looked like she was seconds away from crying.

''Face it Troy, it was a false alarm. Let's go home.'' Amanda turned her back on Troy just as a tear forced it's way out of her eyes.

Amanda quickly wiped away her tears, finding it pathetic that she's crying over something that never existed.

Troy grabbed onto Amanda's handbag which she had accidentally forgotten and speed walked to Amanda, who was desperately trying to get out of the hospital.

He could hear her cursing at anything underneath her breath, she wasn't bothered by the tears that were pouring down her face.

Amanda wasn't just crying over the fact that she wasn't pregnant, it was the fact that she might never get pregnant. It never crossed her mind that the amount of times they hadn't used protection, and she's not pregnant. Amanda didn't even want to know if there was something wrong with her.

She just wasn't strong enough to keep herself stable at the moment, which is why she was rushing towards the car so people wouldn't see her crying.

As they reached the car, Amanda quickly got to the passenger side and took her frustration out on the door as it wouldn't open.

She continued to pull roughly at it, not realising that Troy hadn't got the keys out yet.

''Hey hey.'' Troy whispered as he wrapped his arms around her, trying to calm her flying arms down.

''Shh, it's okay.'' Troy placed his lips on her cheek as he held onto his crying wife who was weak in his arms.

Amanda suddenly felt tired and just wanted to sleep, she was mentally physically drained.

She couldn't handle it anymore... the rape, the baby, her husband being different, the arguments, the fights... She wanted to be free from it all, and in Troy's arms, she finally did. Amanda didn't want to let go of him as she knew she would be dragged back into her problems.

''Let it out Amanda, it's the best thing to do. Holding it in, in these situations will make it even worse.'' Troy gently swayed their bodies side to side as he covered her face by pulling her into his chest.

At the moment they looked like a happy couple hugging each other, but these two were going through their own problems, facing their own demons, and playing their own mind games. Something that they are going to help each other with.

A painful thought went through Amanda, she imagined if she had lost Troy in that war. This made Amanda cry even more, the pain that she would go through. She wouldn't be able to live with it.

Losing the love of her life, her childhood sweetheart, her best friend is something she wouldn't be able to deal with.

Amanda thanked God every single day for bringing back the man she loved from that awful war, healthy and alive.

''I love you so much Troy.'' Amanda held onto her husband tighter, and Troy blinked back the tears. ''I love you so much too Amanda.''

Until Amanda calmed down, Troy didn't released her or loosen his hug on her one bit, he wanted to make sure his woman had released all the anger and sadness she had built up inside her.

He didn't care about the anger that was inside him, as long as Amanda was fine, he wouldn't even care to look at his own needs.

Amanda wondered about why she missed her period and vomited, and remembered that this can be caused by stress.

As they got into the car a few minutes later, Amanda had slowly drifted to sleep, feeling tired and drained from crying that much.

Her head rested against the window as her body got comfortable.

As Troy was at a red light, he turned his head to look at his sleeping wife.

Only she was the one that could save him.