Gray (Jemily)

12

"You're so cute," Emily said poking her wife's cheek who giggled in response before ticking Emily's stomach in response. Emily let out a loud laugh, her body jerking in response. "JJ stop! I don't want to-"

"Ow," JJ winced in pain, grabbing onto her side where Emily's elbow made contact.

"Shit, JJ I'm so sorry!" Emily started profusely apologizing, her hands moving to touch the blonde's sides. "Baby, are you okay?"

"Mhm," JJ hummed, squeezing her eyes shut in pain. It took several minutes and Emily rubbing her back to finally get her to breathe properly.

"Do you want me to hold you?" Emily asked and JJ nodded before trying her best to move into her wife's embrace. "Shh I got you just be careful."

"No tickling. Lesson learned," JJ couldn't help but laugh before she winced in pain again.

"You are such a goofball," Emily smiled as she rubbed JJ's back with one hand while she ran her fingers through JJ's hair.

"I'm you're goofball." JJ poked Emily's nose who scrunched it up and smiled down at her. The two sat laid in silence for a while before JJ spoke up again, her voice coming out softly and almost scared-like. "Did everybody watch?"

Emily looked down at her wife before shaking her head, knowing exactly what she was asking about. "No. I made everyone leave before it happened. The only thing they saw was what happened the very last time before we found you."

JJ stayed silent although she felt better knowing her friends, her family, didn't see her in such a vulnerable state. "Did you?"

"Yes," Emily replied honestly. "I didn't want to. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But, we didn't want to miss anything if they were to accidentally slip up, and I figured it would be best for you if it were me that saw you like that instead of anyone else." She paused and furrowed her eyebrows. "JJ if me seeing you like that hurts you more than helps..." She looked down at her wife who met her gaze. "Baby please know that I had your best interest at heart. It broke me to see you like that. To hear you cry and scream. To hear you cry for me to help you."

"I'm so sorry," JJ whispered as she reached up to wipe Emily's tears that had started to fall. "I should have been better. I should've told-"

"Don't do that." Emily shook her head. "None of this is your fault. And don't you dare think for one second that it is. Do you understand me?"

JJ nodded before nuzzling her head in the crook of Emily's neck as they both silently cried.

They were both hurting and they knew that they had a long road of healing ahead of them, both physically and mentally; especially JJ. She may be happy and responding well right now, but Emily knew better. As much as she hoped and wished with everything she had that JJ would be able to heal as easily as possible, she knew deep down and in her heart that one day, the switch will flip and she won't be as happy and talkative as she is today.

JJ has been through so much over the past few years and no one ever truly heals from sexual assault and rape. It creeps up on you when you least expect it. You could be having the happiest time of your life and all it takes is one thought, one memory, one flashback, or someone touching your wrist or looking at you a certain way and you're back there. Back where you've been hurt the most. It doesn't matter how much time has passed or how much therapy you've had. You get triggered and all you have to help are coping mechanisms that sometimes don't even help because the pain and memories of what happened hurts so bad. So all you can do each day is try your best.

Even after JJ had therapy and talked about what she went through with Emily, she still gets flashbacks every once in a while. They're not nearly as common, but it still happens. She has days where all she wants to do is lay in bed. She won't eat, won't talk to Emily, won't even shower. To Emily, sexually assaulting someone- raping someone is one of the worst, most senseless and heinous things you could ever do to a person. And that's saying a lot.

"Maura will you leave my jacket alone? I look fine."

At the sound of Jane's voice, the two women wiped their eyes, Emily using the controller to raise the bed so they were sitting up.

"Knock knock," Maura said poking her head in, her strawberry blonde hair curled and flowing down her shoulders and back as always. "May we come in?"

"Yeah, com on in," JJ spoke up before clearing her throat.

"I brought you some flowers," Jane smiled as she sat the vase down on the table. It was filled with all different colors of roses, reds, whites, pinks and yellows.

"We," Maura said glaring at her. "We brought you flowers and even that's pushing it. I was the one who bought them, Jane."

The taller woman rolled her eyes and waved her hand dismissively. "Oh whatever. Same difference."

JJ couldn't help but smile at their banter. She always loved seeing the two Boston women interact. They always brought out the little kid in one another. It was refreshing.

"They're lovely, thank you." JJ smiled and they all got comfortable, Maura sitting in the chair beside the bed and Jane sitting on the food of the bed after JJ said it was okay for her to.

"Oh you guys will never guess what happened the other day," Jane said trying not to laugh. "So Maura and I are out running around, doing a bunch of things Maura loves and- well, she's pretty much just dragging me along against my will-"

"I would argue I wasn't-" Maura cleared her throat when Jane made a face at her. "But that...doesn't matter."

"So anyway, we get a call and it's ma absolutely screeching in my ear. We couldn't understand her at all so Maura thought she was screaming about the royal family."

"Which was confusing because there's nothing too crazy going on with the royal family right now that Angela would be screaming about like a lunatic," Maura giggled.

"So I thought there was no way ma is talking about the royal family," Jane continued. "We tried to focus on what she was saying and I thought she was talking about quantum physics."

"How do you go from the royal family to quantum physics?" Emily questioned with a smile.

"I honestly don't know," Jane replied. "It's ma."

"We eventually just decided to leave and go home and when we did," Maura joined in, not being able to quiet her laugh. "When we got there, Angela was on top of the counter holding a baseball bat to a chicken and Tommy hanging upside down from a trap he forgot he laid out for Frankie."

They all laughed together, JJ holding onto her stomach from laughing so much.

"I have so many questions," the blonde laughed.

"Yeah, like how a chicken got into the house," Emily joined in.

"And more interestingly, how and why Tommy rigged that kind of trap for your brother," JJ added again, her wife pointing a finger at her as a way to say that was a great question.

The two Boston natives shook their heads. "It's Tommy, who actually knows."

The several hours leading up to JJ's discharge was spent just like that; the four women all telling stories and jokes that left them all feeling good and lighthearted. JJ couldn't have been more thankful to have such amazing friends both in Boston and back home.