and the world screams

kiss me, son of god

The slight breeze flowing through the trees is cold and uncomfortable against your skin. It blows through your hair, through your clothes.

You have just lost everything.

The dirt and leaves crunch beneath your feet with every step you take. The breeze blows them softly against your leg.

She's dead and you killed her.

You thought you could get away. You thought you did get away. You thought you had finally left it all behind and moved on, that you'd never have to see the light drain from anybody's eyes ever again; but you're back.

You stand above the dead body of the only person you ever truly loved. Her blonde hair is stained red, blue shirt coated in blood. A few hours ago she was alive- she was alive, excited to celebrate your birthday. You turn twenty today.

Twenty years old. You should be in college, celebrating today with your friends at a stupid party in your shitty dorm room, not cleaning up the dead body of your lover. The one that you killed.

You had to do it, you tell yourself. You had to. She got involved, she picked up the camera, she brought it back. If you didn't kill her, she'd just end up in the same torturous cycle as you. You did her a favor. You saved her, you saved all of them.

You'll never see them again.

You'll never feel the comforting breeze on your skin while walking Rocky with Amy, the sweet dog stopping to smell the flowers as Amy laughed. You'll never have any late night editing sessions with Seth, tiredly laughing at the stupidest shit that made no sense. You'll never have any playful arguments with Sarah, taking harmless jabs at each other. You'll never see Brian's sweet tooth-gapped smile as he tries his best to cheer everyone up after a long day of filming. You'll never sit in Tim's apartment again, playing around when you're supposed to be working. You'll never get to hear Jay's awkward rambles about the absurd things he was into again.

You'll never see any of them again, and it's all your fault.

What have you done?

You saved them.