Online Only...

Chapter 23 :}

So, it's been a day since the phone call with Damien. To be quite honest, I'm too scared to start another conversation with him but I'm really paranoid that I need to. Of course I need to. I haven't spoken to Ashton either. I am in so much shit right now. I'm scared. 

Sadly my Mother has a knack of picking up on these things, and has shipped Harry off for the day with one of his friends so she can cheer me up. I'm pretty sure she thinks its all to do with the alley way shit, so I can avoid all other topics of conversation.  However, it has still led to us being sat in a spa having our feet 'pampered'...don't get me wrong I see the nice side of this. But feet are disgusting. Who would do this as a living? 

We were making jokey conversation, purely because two complete strangers were faffing about with lotion so our conversation had to be open enough for others to hear. Mum was currently insisting we went to the new cafe around the corner that had just opened. To which, both women enthused how brilliant the brownies were. I zoned out, idle conversation bores me massively- I have taken up the hobby of nodding along absent mindedly. 

We left about an hour later, leaving their incredibly fake tanned faces behind us.

"Aw nice girls they were"

I scoffed.

"Yeah if you're a fan of whatsits." 

She chuckled and elbowed me. 

"So...are we getting brownies and then discussing how shitty you're feeling?" 

"I suppose we are." I walked ahead of her and grabbed a bag of brownies while she waited outside. I couldn't face the awkward eye contact across a table while she tried to mumble what she wanted to say under her breath. 

We were walking through the park, and sat on one of the benches. She looked at me for a moment and then took my hand. 

"Babe, I know you've mastered putting on a brave face all the time...but you can open up to me more, you know that right?"

"Mum, trust me if I'm struggling I'll let you know." 

"Are you sure? I know I'm occupied with Harry a lot.."

"Mum honestly, I will, don't worry" I insisted. The worse she felt the guiltier I felt.  

She nodded, I knew she didn't believe me but I didn't want to have another deep conversation about my feelings. They suck a lot. 

Thankfully she then averted the conversation topic to Harry's birthday.  Something about hiring a bouncy castle. I nodded along. We spent another couple hours in town, resulting in her buying me a load of new clothes and a new dress, which I was reluctant to. She then realised she was late collecting Harry, and then increased how late she was due to me spending a good 10 minutes convincing her I was ok to walk home. 

I watched her drive away before deciding on taking the long route back. I put my head phones in, and reluctantly checked my notifications. I had a Facebook message from Ashton and nothing from Damien. Nothing at all. I was now beginning to get really paranoid I'd done something. I checked Ashton's message. 

' Hey so if you don't hate me..a reply would be pretty cool yeno hahah' 

Replying was probably the worst decision to make, but I didn't hate him and I can imagine he's going through a shit time too...so I answered.

'hi'

I put my phone in my pocket and continued to walk home, letting a billion and one reasons as to why Damien could hate me fill my head.

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Hey guys..so roughly a year over due, but I'm back.