I didn't sleep that night or even the next night. I get to writing and completing the files I had to work on. I went praying, asking God this night. Please help me make myself okay. I went around the hall feeling like my chest was like an old swollen fruit about to split due to wet rot. I grabbed my cigarette and started smoking, as if I was inhaling myself on this small cigarette. I felt lonely and bored. I was exhausted by fatigue. I only felt myself looking at the neighbor every day. At first it was just a coincidence. But now I enjoy looking at her and her beautiful music. She shares the same taste in music as me. I kissed you while you were sitting next to me, and I am happy and reassured. This is how my days are spent. I dream of her and think about how to introduce myself. Maybe I have loved to the point of madness? This so-called madness is for me the only reasonable way to love.
I heard a knock on my door. Nick was the one knocking. I opened the door for him and he entered. He was muttering some words. It was clear that he had come to visit me, but I was not concentrating on him. I stayed looking out the window looking at the neighbor’s apartment while smoking.
"You seem lost in thought. What are you thinking about?"
"I'm thinking about how to get to know the new neighbor there." He looked with surprise and laughter and headed to the kitchen.
"It's clear that you didn't sleep" I sighed and headed to the kitchen as well .
"Honestly, yes, I haven't slept for 3 days now since the last time I slept and it was a short nap".
"That's why You seem different than usual, did you take your medicine?"
"Yes... "
"I will ask the manager to give you more time off, maybe for at least one month." I sighed wearily as I looked at the ceiling, contemplating how I reached this stage.
"Listen, there will be an opera exhibition next month. I know you love classical music. Maybe we can go there together with friends. You will change the vibe of the house a little"
"No thank you, I don't want to leave my apartment, I feel my energy draining quickly than usual."
"Perhaps you will change your mind by then."
"Hmm..."
"Okay, I will go now, I will come back next week and make sure not to do anything stupid." I smirked
"I'm not like you" he smirk as well And went outside, It's good that I managed to make at least one friend.
..................................
I was lying on the sofa, the sound of the television was pervading the place, and the night atmosphere outside was covering the place too. I heard the sounds of jazz music coming from the neighbor’s room. I started imagining her in front of me and what she would look like in front of me. I smiled and began to blend in with the song. The smoke of my cigarette permeated the place, my eyes are tired, she smiled at me and extended her hand towards me. I gladly held it, it was soft. I got up and held her waist and whispered into her neck.
"Dance with me".
I started dancing with the rhythms of beautiful classical music. It was a beautiful moment in my illusion. I was hoping it was real. To see her gentle smile and her tender touch. It was as if I was in a coma. My body was moving on its own. It was clear that I was inside a dream. I wish I could stay here. I felt that she might disappear. The house was completely empty, even from me. I was always escaping into my imagination, books, music, and writing, justifying my loneliness by saying that I had not succeeded as a person, and making friends outside of my work. But I always dreamed that I was doing this every day, and despite my honesty, I felt that my movements were suspicious. Something had changed. Since yesterday, my day with all its rituals has been recited in front of me with some suspicion, but now I feel her presence in my mind, my heart, and even my soul, and behold, she takes shape in front of me, she's ghost almost becoming tangible, wrapping herself around me, placing her hand on my shoulder, relaxing softly and comfortably. She was chasing me by asking me about it. We share a taste in music. I started asking about her in my imagination about my personal preferences. She surrounded me with my personal curiosity. I found no reason for this curiosity other than loneliness, in a fleeting moment as if I had stepped on a nail, I remembered my ex-lover, I remembered our disappointment in walking side by side, I felt the scar of her absence on my heart, but you are here, you fill my emptiness and satisfy it, and it is as if you had returned to me. I continued to dance with you while you hugged me and stroked my hair as if I were a little child longs for his mother's embrace, I will not water myself Until i make myself more digestible for you.
