Bittersweet

1

Where do I start? .....

I met him , i liked him , i fell for him so hard , He was my world , my everything , but then  .

he left me .

the fact that you were coming back to visit and catch up with me would be a casual thing , at first it was . but i don't know what happened , we met several more days before i left again . When i was with you it felt like nothing really changed , that we never broke up . Was i so insensitive to feel that we were still together?, don't get me wrong i knew what happened before , the vividness .

But I responded to the way you acted , and it was an assurance that we both knew what we were going in for once again. I left but we've mended the past that broke our hearts . The bitterness that was there for years . I'm glad to have ever had the chance to mend our relationship even though we had no label for each other. And one thing i do know is that even after years  , after thinking i was already over you and that we're friends already , then i knew that i still loved you, and that I still adore and respect you dearly , and that i've always deprived myself from feeling all these things.

And now here i am , several years after , and looking at you .

and it's funny how i still remember how i met you , how this all came to be , how our story is ever bittersweet.

July 2011 

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It all started when I visited my neighbor/best friend/ school mate , Patrick. I went to his place (btw he's gay and prefers to be called Patricia ) so I of course roamed around their apartment . I saw this picture of him and his family . There was this particular guy that caught my eye immediately . I noticed his eyes , his smile and the totality of his features , taken aback i knew i found him cute.  So of course being the flirtatious person that I am I asked Pat.

" Pat , who's this guy right next to you ? " 

"oh that's my cousin, Adam" he answered 

my eyes widened ,, i thought he was a family friend but knowing that he's Pat's relative gave me the idea of "possibly" meeting this dude named Adam.

"reeeeaalllllyyyy???? " the I smiled . 

"yeah really" 

then i felt really playful and since i was in the mood to kinda tease....hehehe 3:)

"well i find him very cute , my type indeed . is it possible that you could tell him that i like him??"  i asked 

"what ?!?!? he's cute?!?!" Pat asked 

"yeah .. well can you?" i asked

"well yeah if ever we meet , but i heard he has a girlfriend sooo ... " he drifted off 

i wasn't really taking it much personally but i did find his cousin cute and really was my type so i said " " It's okay i don't really mind it's just that i find him really cute "

"okayyyyyyyyy , but you have to know he lives in a different city so i'll just tell him whenever i get to see him " Pat said sarcastically 

"tell him i like him okay?? hahahah" i said in a joking manner . 

"hahaha yeah yeah i will "

well ... I usually do this stuff and i don't mind because they don't really take it seriously , sooo yeah....

It doesn't matter right? 

October 2011

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I was chatting with Pat because he was going to stay at his cousins , i've been good friends with Pat since July this year . My sophomore year got better now that i have a gay best friend and i'm indeed having fun with my simple small group of friends. 

Pat: hey , want me to get you anything before i get home tomorrow??

Me: mehh , i'm good 

Pat: btw i already told Adam about that thingy

I was shocked o.o god , what "thingy"?!?!? i don't even remember shit 

Me: what?!?!? what thingy?!?!?

Pat: oh you know that thing you told me months before , that you think he's cute and you like him

Me: YOU TOLD HIM THAT?!?!?!!?

Pat: yeah , why? , didn't you tell me ??

Me: I HAD NO IDEA THAT YOU WERE SERIOUS!!!!!!

Pat: weren't you ?

Me: I WAS KIDDING !!! 

Pat: OH GOOD LORD

OH MY GOD IM FREAKING OUT THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING I NEED TO HIDE MYSELF FOREVER 

*ting* my phone notified something

"Adam Chu added you as a friend" 

O.O oh god hide now and never exist ever .

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well one chapter down , it's not really my first time to post things like these it's just that i'm no able to finish them even half-way through because i'm lazy . hahahaah