Santiago Steamed Hams

And now a parody of the famous Simpsons segment, Steamed Hams. Loud House style.

This takes place during Season 1.

Santiago House, Royal Woods:

Lori knocked on the front door. Bobby excitedly opened it.

"Babe you made it!" he said happily.

"I sure did Boo-Boo Bear!" Lori smiled before deadpanning. "Despite your directions."

Bobby gave a sheepish smile. "Right, my bad. That's what I get for fast-typing. But I hope you're excited for a great meal!"

"I sure am! I'll be in the living room." Lori said, making her way inside.

Bobby returned to the kitchen, but almost stumbled off his feet when he saw smoke coming out of the oven.

"Oh no!" he cried as he opened the oven. "My roast! It's ruined!"

Bobby then looked out the window and saw the sign for the Burpin' Burger.

"But what if... I were to buy fast food and disguise it as my own cooking?" Bobby pondered before grinning deviously. "Oh ho, very smart idea Bobby!"

Bobby was about to climb out the window when Lori walked in.

"Bobby I-" Lori cut herself off when she saw her boyfriend. "Bobby, what are you doing?"

"Uh... stretching my calves!" Bobby nervously lied. "Gym class really isn't enough."

"Uh, why is there smoke coming out of your oven?" Lori asked.

"Huh? Oh no, that's not smoke! That's steam! Steam from the... steamed clams I'm making us!" Bobby lied again. "Mmm, steamed clams!" he said, rubbing his stomach.

Lori shrugged and and went back to the living room.

Bobby sighed in relief and jumped out the window before running to Burpin' Burger.

Later Lori had settled in the living room when Bobby came back in with a tray of burgers.

"Babe I hope you are hungry for mouth-watering cheeseburgers!" Bobby said.

Lori was confused. "I thought you said we were having steamed hams."

"Oh no no, I said steamed hams ." Bobby replied. "Fancy way of calling them, didn't you know?"

"Steamed... hams." Lori slowly repeated, not sure if she heard right.

"Yeah! Old way of saying it down in... Mexico!" Bobby added. "You know, my family heritage."

"They call these Steamed Hams in Mexico?" Lori asked, even more perplexed.

"Yeah!" Bobby nodded.

"Well I had Ms. DiMartino for a substitute and I never once heard her refer to cheeseburgers that way." Lori said.

"Oh no! It's much more of an older saying... in the lower part that reached South America completely." Bobby lied.

"I see." Lori said, eating a burger. "You know Bobby, these burgers are a lot like the burgers they have at Burpin' Burger."

"Oh no they're not! They're Santiago Burgers. It's an old family recipe passed down from my Grandma Rosa!" Bobby said, eating one himself.

Lori blinked. "...For steamed hams?"

"Yeah!"

"Well here's the thing Boo-Boo Bear, you call them steamed hams even though they're literally grilled." Lori said, showing the half-eaten grilled burger patty at Bobby.

Bobby gulped and sweated. "Well... I... the thing... 'scuse me a moment." he said before bolting to the kitchen. He then came back out as Lori ate the rest of her burger. "WELL NOW! That was fun! Good times had by all, I'm beat."

Lori got up and checked the time on her phone. "Mm, yeah I literally should-" She cut herself off when she saw an orange fiery glow from the kitchen. "Oh my god, what is happening in there?!"

"My house is haunted." Bobby quickly lied.

"Wha-your house is haunted?" Lori asked in disbelief. "While ghosts don't exist, it's not Halloween, or even night out and just literally in your kitchen!?"

"Yes!" Bobby nodded.

Lori paused before asking, "May I see?"

"...No."

As Bobby led Lori out the front door, he heard Ronnie Anne shout, "Bobby, the house is on fire!"

"No Nie Nie, it's just a disco party!" Bobby hollered back.

"Well Bobby, you are quite the character for my boyfriend... but I must say you literally steam a good ham." Lori said with a smile.

Bobby smiled back as Lori began to walk away while Ronnie Anne shouted, "HELP! HELP!"

Lori looked back and saw Bobby's smile. She smiled back and went in her way.

Bobby ran back inside for his sister and to call the fire department.

Months later:

Ronnie Anne was telling Sid about it in the bodega while eating fudgy pops.

"And that's why we didn't let Bobby near the stove for a long time afterward." Ronnie Anne said.

"Wow!" Sid said. "But that is a shame. Hams are actually good steamed. Chang family recipe from what my dad says."

Ronnie Anne just blinked.

CAST

Lori
Catherine Taber

Bobby
Carlos PenaVega

Ronnie Anne
Izabella Alvarez

Sid
Leah Mei Gold

Hope you all liked it! See you around!

In Loving Memory of

Donald Sutherland

(The Hunger Games series, Ordinary People, Hamlet at Elsinore, Citizen X, JFK, M*A*S*H, Threshold, Path to War, The Simpsons, The Eagle Has Landed, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Space Cowboys, Fellini's Casanova, Pride & Prejudice, The Undoing, Astro Boy, Aurora Borealis, Without Limits, Bethune, Miranda's Victim, Mr. Hartigan's Phone, Moonfall, Lawman: Bass Reeves Alone, Heart Land)

July 17, 1935 - June 20, 2024