Drake, Bewitched

Depression- Jezelda

"Jez, come on. It's not that bad."

I hadn't left my room in days. It was summer and I should have been having fun—Zadie and I had just turned eighteen and that meant there were a bunch of us graduating from homeschool. 

The thought of focusing on magic only from now on was an exciting prospect to me just a few days ago. So was becoming a fully-fledged member of our coven, until I found out about my test.

"How can you say that?" I moaned from my bed.

"At least you don't have to give up someone you love," Zadie said lightly, but I could hear the pain in her voice. She pulled open my curtains and an unbearable brightness streamed in.

"Having to kill someone and not just anyone but the most well-known artist on the planet. I'm sorry, that's literally the worst possible trial in the history of covens!"

 Zadie rested her case. She knew I was right.

"A couple of us are heading to the markets, it's nice out. You should come."

Our coven was based in Vermont, and we lived in an isolated house deep in the woods. According to Sandra, the further we stayed from the humans, the better. At least until we had a proper grip on our powers.

But every once in a while, for big occasions like birthdays or graduations, we were permitted to explore the city under the watchful guidance of an elder. Little did they know that most of us had already taken it upon ourselves to explore without them. How else did they suppose Zadie was able to find herself a boyfriend? The elders were either extremely traditional or willfully ignorant. Or both. 

I stayed quiet, my head buried beneath the covers.

I didn't want to get dressed, I didn't want to eat, I didn't want to do anything. I'd rather have rotted in my bed than face my test.

"Okayyy," Zadie said, "well, if you change your mind, just text me. I'll fly back to get you."

"I love you, Zadie," I said as I heard her halfway out the door.

"I love you too," she said softly, "it's going to be okay."

I wished I could have believed her. I wished she could have conjured a spell that would have made that true, but I felt helpless. I racked my brain for anything I could. There's got to be some sort of loophole out of this, I thought. 

But my inexperienced mind could think of nothing, and with nothing to offer, I chose to wallow.

After a little while, Mom came in. I could always tell when it was her. She walked so calm and steady, even in a crisis. Mom had a beautiful aura that others picked up on too; her presence was like a warm embrace.

"Darling," she said, putting one hand on my back, "you have to eat."

I turned around, my face numb from lying on it for so long. I sniffled, vulnerable and exposed as she held my gaze. She snapped two of her bejeweled fingers and a large chocolate-frosted cupcake appeared in her hand.

"Mom, you're not supposed to do that!" I exclaimed, but the smell of the cupcake alone was enough to make my stomach grumble.

"Oh, I don't think the elders will mind it this one time," she smiled, handing the cupcake to me.

According to the Coven's rules, we were only supposed to use magic in situations that were for the purpose of our protection or that were for some greater good, requirements of which were strictly defined in the grimoire. Our Coven's initiation test fell under the category of the latter, no matter what the cards read.

"This cupcake is for your greater good," Mom said as if reading my mind, "you can't go another day without eating."

I nodded, tearily biting into the cupcake that tasted like heaven.

She let me eat for a while, stroking my hair as I engulfed the whole thing. "What am I going to do?" I asked her, "I feel so lost."

In that moment, I was so eternally grateful that she was there. It didn't matter that she'd refuse to discuss anything about my dad. She was enough.

She got up and closed the door before talking to me in a whisper.

"Something feels off," she said, "I don't know what's going on but I believe something or someone may have tampered with the cards."

My heart leaped. There was a glimmer of hope.

"You really think so?! That's perfect, then."

"But Jezelda, I can't prove that. At least not yet. I wasn't there, but Sandra agrees too that something was wrong."

"So if Sandra agrees, that's all that matters!"

"Sadly not," she said, her voice grave, "I'm going to try to prove it, but I need more time. If we're to build a case to the witches' council, then I'll need to gather more information. A feeling is not enough."

There was a twisted pain in my chest. I hated the rules and the worry in my mom's eyes. I understood that we needed structure, traditions, and morals, but when all those things asked you to kill an innocent, was it really worth it? Surely, we were no better than those who practiced black magic, then!

But the thought that the cards had not in fact intended this for me, that it was some cruel trick, soothed my mind at least partially.

"In the meantime, you'll need to go to wherever Aubrey Graham goes, Jezelda, you must start  your mission. If anyone suspects that you might be planning on not fulfilling your test, you'll be expelled immediately. If there's any suspicions that I might be trying to overturn the cards, then we'll have much worse things to worry about..."

I shuddered. I didn't even want to think about what might be worse than being coven-less. And so, once again the future remained bleak.

"Stay strong, baby," she said, holding me to her, "and let's hope this Aubrey Graham is a kind man."